DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors. A few of the ladies in my cul-de-sac have become close: looking out for each other, picking up delivered packages if they’re out of town, bringing back souvenirs from vacations, etc.
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We also occasionally go out to dinner to celebrate birthdays, special occasions or just because.
While I consider these outings for just our group, one of my neighbors (who is single, as am I) always invites a friend or two of hers to join us. No one else in the group does this.
The other women she invites are always pleasant and engaging, so I’m not sure why her doing this bothers me. I haven’t brought this up to her or my other neighbors.
Is her behavior bad manners, and should I be miffed?
GENTLE READER: It bothers you, Miss Manners is guessing, because these outings are a chance for the neighborhood ladies to bond and connect. If members of the group are going to invite just anyone, who will be next? Husbands? Dates?!
Of course, as these intruders happen to be pleasant and engaging, you could look at this as an opportunity to make new friends. Or you could be miffed because what you really want to do is gossip about the new mail person and exchange neighborhood secrets.
If it miffs you enough, Miss Manners suggests you say to your friend, “Lacey and Hannah were adorable. I would love to get to know them better. I just feel bad that they will be left out if we start talking about neighborhood stuff. Maybe we could get together with them in a different context?”
But please have this conversation with her before approaching the other neighbors, lest your friend becomes the new subject of neighborhood gossip — or before you do, if your opinion is in the minority.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A cousin and his wife, who are close to me, have an annoying habit of click-clicking on their phones while we are talking.
I am about 20 years older than them. I have a background in the arts and culture, and was once known as a trivia whiz, which I don’t publicize. But this couple constantly fact-checks everything I say. And when they “correct” me, they are not always using accurate websites.
I think this is rude, and, as a former editor, I learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut.
What is the best way to handle this? I am sure others have the same problem.
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GENTLE READER: There is no fighting with the internet. Miss Manners suggests you not even try.
What you can do is stop talking while your cousin and his wife are click-clicking, telling them that you will pause while they attend to what must be important.
When they inevitably tell you what it is — fact-checking — you may sheepishly say, “I thought we were just having a conversation.” It may not successfully shame them, but it will make you feel a bit better.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
