DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently staying with a family friend and her husband for a few days while visiting my hometown.
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The husband clearly isn’t happy with me staying here, so I have not interacted with him much.
On my second day here, he asked my friend for a divorce. Now I can hear them fighting, and the tension is insane.
Is it rude if I just avoid him? Currently, our conversations are barely existent.
GENTLE READER: Currently? Your hosts are fighting to the point of divorce, and you are sticking around, listening? And your only question is how to deal with an ungracious host?
A guest must also be gracious, even under extraordinary circumstances. The rule that applies here is the one about happening upon accidents: If you can help, jump in and do so. If not, don’t gawk — move on.
Miss Manners wonders why you did not leave for your own sake when you noticed that the host was unhappy with your being there, for whatever reason. Surely the awkwardness and inconvenience you would have experienced would have been better than being an unwelcome guest.
What you could have said to him and his wife on your way out was, “I wish you both well.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a condominium building that has a lot of retired people in it.
I have been at the same job for 20-plus years, so I have a lot of vacation days. I don’t often take a week or two off at a time — more often just a day off here and there.
My neighbors can’t get their heads around this. I have been repeatedly asked, “Oh, don’t you work every day? Do you have Fridays off? Why aren’t you at work?”
It really burns me, as they’re implying I’m doing something wrong and that my schedule is their business.
Most of the old-timers have left since I moved here, but there are still a few older busybodies around. They seem to suffer from “groupthink” and a tendency to interfere with others. Also, they are so oblivious. It goes right over their heads that they might be bothering people with questions like this.
Goodness, if I did have a sickness or some kind of personal reason for being home, I wouldn’t necessarily want them to know that!
Sometimes I even go down the stairwell and take different routes to avoid running into these people.
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GENTLE READER: Have these people not heard about remote work?
Not that Miss Manners believes that hearing that explanation — or any other — would discourage a determined busybody. Sadly, they are just after a bit of conversation.
Which does not mean that you need provide it. Ignore the questions, call out a cheery greeting — “Hi, Mrs. Erskine!” “Nice day, Mr. Lumpkin!” — and keep moving.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
