DEAR HARRIETTE: You had a great answer to “Delivery Room,” the woman whose husband wanted to invite his whole family to observe their baby’s birth.
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You could also suggest that she offer to consider — only consider! — the extra relatives being present if her husband promises to strip from the waist down for the entire delivery.
Maybe then he’ll realize how exposed and vulnerable a woman feels while having a baby.
— Creative Thinking
DEAR CREATIVE THINKING: I absolutely love this idea! Rather than getting defensive, she can show the extended family just how uncomfortable it can be to have folks watch a baby emerge from your loins. This is not a TV show!
DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-partner and the father of all five of our grown children recently broke up with his longtime girlfriend.
This is a woman he began dating around 20 years ago when he decided to leave me to raise our children alone. While he didn’t fully abandon our children, he did betray us, and I was left to explain why.
He is now abruptly single and in need of a place to stay. He has asked me if he can stay in one of the spare bedrooms of my home, which was once our home — the home he left.
While we have built up a friendship in recent years, I cannot help but feel reminded of how he left us, and left me alone to raise our five children.
Should I help him?
— Open Door
DEAR OPEN DOOR: Think long and hard before you welcome your ex back into your home.
He is emotionally vulnerable right now due to the breakup. You are experiencing whiplash due to the memories of when he left your family, and your children, while older now, will also be impacted by him moving back into the family home.
Schedule a time to sit and talk with him about the impact that this move might have on everyone. Yes, he is in immediate need of a roof over his head, but that is not your problem. What are his thoughts on a timeline? How will he address this change with your children? How does he expect you to feel about this, given the circumstances of his departure?
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Make him accountable for this moment. Also find out why they broke up. What was his role in this?
While you may want to support him in his time of need, you have to look at the big picture. Without intending to reject him at this vulnerable moment, you need to protect your heart and the soul of your family.
Think about alternatives, like friends or relatives who may have an extra room. Worst case scenario, while tricky, could be allowing him to move in for a specific, short period while he looks for permanent housing. This may be risky, as once someone moves in, it can be difficult to get them to move out.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
