DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve made some questionable decisions over the years that had a negative impact on my credit.
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Many of those mistakes were things I did when I didn’t fully understand the concept of credit and financial responsibility. Now my bad credit is haunting me.
I’ve been trying to take all of the steps to diminish debt and rectify certain things, but as you probably know, building good credit just takes time.
I’m in a serious relationship now, and my boyfriend really wants to buy a house together, but I’m scared to admit my credit issues.
The way I see it, I can either stall him until my credit improves or come clean and likely have to wait to purchase anyway.
Is stalling a bad idea?
— Bad Credit
DEAR BAD CREDIT: Yes, stalling is bad. Own up to your life.
Tell him that you are working on improving your credit, but you have a way to go. Be honest about your irresponsible spending in the past, and tell him what your goals are for the future. Tell him you aren’t sure if you would be eligible to buy a house today but that you hope to be there soon.
Let him know that you want to build your credit and a life with him. See how he responds.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been going out with this woman I really like for about four months now. We have a great connection, and I enjoy spending time with her.
The issue is that she is moving from our hometown in the Midwest to New York City in a few months. She has been upfront about her plans from the beginning, and she recently told me that she would like to keep seeing me until she leaves this summer.
My dilemma is that I want to be more intentional with who I am dating because I am at a point in my life where I want to settle down, get married and start a family.
While I really like this woman, I can’t shake the feeling that continuing to date her when she has no plans to stay might be setting myself up for heartbreak. At the same time, I don’t want to walk away from something that makes me happy just because of an uncertain future.
I’m torn between enjoying the time we have left together and cutting things off now to protect myself from getting even more attached.
Is it a bad idea to stay in a relationship that likely has an expiration date, or should I take things one day at a time and see where it leads?
— Moving On
DEAR MOVING ON: It is good that this person was honest with you about her plans from the start, but have you two discussed her intentions for the distant future?
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Harriette Cole: I aspire to insouciance and fall grievously short
Is this woman leaving home for good, or is she leaving to build her résumé? Do both of you want to be together? You need to figure that out.
Plenty of couples have waited while one partner gets advanced education or work experience before they settle down.
What do you two want? Find out if you are on the same page. If not, decide if you want to soak up the last months before she goes or cut your losses now.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
