DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a woman in my building who is constantly acting like community watch or building security.
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We have a group chat, mainly for updates and maintenance announcement purposes, but she is always writing things in there and telling our building manager what to do.
“There is an umbrella in the lobby. Can we check the cameras to see whose it is?” “Did someone leave the parking garage open? It’s been a few minutes.” “Someone dropped garbage on the ground next to the dumpster. Does anyone know who that was?”
Even though I haven’t been the culprit, she makes me feel like a prisoner! How do I end this madness?
— Home Arrest
DEAR HOME ARREST: My guess is that this woman is retired or otherwise unemployed and has time to be attentive to the public areas of the building — that, or she has suffered a tragedy that makes her worried.
Either way, it is not your problem.
Your super is responsible for reacting to any concerns that people have about your building. Do your best to ignore her.
Sadly, she could turn out to be like the boy who cried wolf: If ever there is a serious issue, nobody may be listening.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A few weeks ago, I snapped and called my dad a deadbeat.
I’ve never even thought of him that way before, but it came out in an argument.
Our relationship has always been kind of distant. He and my mom had me when they were 18 and broke up when I was pretty young. He’s been there for me, just not emotionally. We don’t live together, so he plays more of the “provider” role.
The day of our fight, I asked him if he could drop me off somewhere and pick me up afterward because it was too far to take the train. He sounded annoyed and asked, “How much money do you need?”
He acted like he didn’t hear my request at all. He was complaining about how he didn’t plan for this, and he’s busy, and now he has to reconfigure his schedule, blah blah blah — I just lost it.
I called him a deadbeat, and the rest of that phone call was ugly.
Is it possible for a person to be absent while also being in your life?
— Father-Daughter Relationship
DEAR FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP: It can be difficult to be in sync, especially when you don’t live with your father.
In this case, it sounds like you two didn’t communicate well, and you allowed your emotions to get the best of you.
You should call and apologize to your father for the hurtful words you used, because — as you have said — he doesn’t sound like a deadbeat. Explain to him that you wanted his help in the moment, and because it was difficult for him to rearrange his schedule, you got frustrated.
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Know, too, that just because your father wasn’t readily able to drive you back and forth to your destination doesn’t mean he’s absent or inattentive.
You need to appreciate that he has a schedule and may not be able to drop it immediately when you ask. That doesn’t make him a bad person. It does mean you two need to talk and plan ahead.
Get past the sting of this encounter, and do your best to talk to him more.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
