DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a cashier in a grocery store, and we’re required to wear a name tag with our first name printed boldly.
Related Articles
Miss Manners: I have a game I play with strangers. Am I being rude?
Miss Manners: Could I have told her the conversation was hurtful to me?
Miss Manners: It was my party, and this friend tried to take over
Miss Manners: She had a dead man’s parking tag and a fake service dog. What should I have said?
Miss Manners: I was stuck in a room with this distressing woman
It feels creepy when customers, often the male ones, address me by saying my name in a domineering way. I’ve tried taking a deep breath to resist the urge to say something insulting, but I really wish I knew how to respond.
I resent being spoken to by a stranger this way, especially when I’m trying to be of service. Any suggestions for me?
GENTLE READER: Address your supervisor. That is, mention the problem while offering a solution: workplace pseudonyms.
Miss Manners can imagine your having fun with this. “Cashie the Cashier,” perhaps?
After all, the real purpose of name tags in commercial situations (as opposed to your school reunion, when faced with your inexplicably aged classmates) is for the rare case when the customer needs to identify you: “In the aisle, Ryan told me this was on sale, but now Lila tells me you have to buy three cases to get the discount.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a bridal shower where the bride-to-be asked for “no gifts, please.”
Half the attendees showed up with gifts anyway, and the ones who honored her request and didn’t bring a gift were left to feel cheap.
It was awkward for everyone, including the bride-to-be, who wasn’t sure if she should open the gifts or not. What should she have done?
GENTLE READER: This is why Miss Manners keeps rejecting this frank and seemingly simple way of avoiding receiving presents: It doesn’t work.
Some people simply ignore it. Others interpret it as a coy prompt to be sure to give presents, or as a request for cash instead of goods.
It creates a burden on the gift recipient, who must then protect the guests who respected her wish from feeling that they were in error.
The bride should absolutely not have opened the presents in front of them. She should have briefly thanked the donors, put the unopened packages aside, and written her thanks after opening them privately.
But doesn’t anyone realize that, by definition, showers feature presents? So do birthday parties. Surely this accounts for the problem guests have with these gift bans. Can’t friends gather without applying those labels?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am invited to stay in someone’s home, and that home isn’t very clean, may I leave it cleaner than I found it?
Related Articles
Harriette Cole: How do I tell her that I’m not going to recommend her?
Dear Abby: If I’m not even a bridesmaid, why should I give a speech?
What to do if you can’t pay the taxes you owe
Asking Eric: Does my Golden Bachelor mindset make me look foolish to the rest of the world?
Harriette Cole: I screwed up, and my friend lost all the money for her dream trip
I assume that my hosts are already overwhelmed and I wouldn’t want to add to their stress by impugning their housekeeping. It would be a nonissue for me to clean a bathroom (sweep the dust and hair from the floor, wipe down the countertop and mirror, etc.) or to remove the exploded spaghetti from the inside of the microwave before I warm up my coffee.
Would that count as being a good guest, or as being judgmental?
GENTLE READER: Your choice. A good guest would do this so quietly that the hosts might even think that they had left things cleaner than they supposed. A bad one would make sure that they knew.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
