DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband got a new job, and as a way to get to know his new co-workers, we decided to host a holiday party at our house.
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We invited the people he works most closely with, his immediate boss, and everyone’s spouses. It was about 10 people in all.
I am not used to being a hostess but put a great deal of effort, time and money into the food and decorations. We had turkey, ham and many sides and desserts. The spread was impressive and beautiful.
When the guests arrived, it turned out they had all ridden with the boss and his wife in their large van instead of driving their own cars. About 15 minutes after their arrival, and before hardly any food had been served, the boss’s wife got a phone call and said she and her husband needed to help a friend move some furniture — right now!
She then proceeded to round up all of my guests, load them into their van and drive away, leaving no one for the party.
A fortune in food was left on my table. I remember standing there, looking at it and crying. I was so humiliated and angry. I honestly never want to host a gathering of any kind ever again.
My question: Was there any way to have prevented this rude woman from stealing away all of my guests?
GENTLE READER: Counter-questions: Did the boss and his wife drop the guests off before the emergency furniture move? Were they left on the street? Coerced into helping?
Back to yours: Perhaps you could have told the other guests that you and your husband would help arrange transportation for them — either taking them home yourselves or facilitating ride-shares or taxis.
More importantly, Miss Manners hopes that with time, you will realize that this rudeness was extreme and rare, and that you will try your hand at entertaining again. It sounds as if you are good at it.
She also hopes that your husband’s new job is not similarly fraught with chaos — or that his boss is sufficiently contrite that he gets something out of the dreadful experience.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: If my neighbor has a yard sale, should I feel obligated to purchase something, even if I have no use for it?
Conversely, if I have a yard sale and a neighbor wants to purchase something, should I tell them to just take it, no charge?
GENTLE READER: Unless your residential area has an unusual outside draw, most of your customers are going to be neighbors. If you give things away to them, it will be a Yard Donation, not a Sale.
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Conversely, Miss Manners assures you that you are not obligated to buy anything from them. But do your neighbors the favor of not wasting their time by asking the origin and history of every single item, thinking it is polite. That would just be taunting them.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to take old vegetables from the refrigerator, then come up behind someone and place the vegetables under their nose and ask if they should be thrown out?
GENTLE READER: Rude and potentially hazardous — not just for the nose, but for the nervous system when they scare you from behind.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
