DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my late 20s and have been going gray since preschool.
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My hair is now about 95% gray. I like it, and get many compliments about it, to which I always say thank you and answer any questions.
What confuses me is that at least once a month, a stranger asks me whether I know that I have gray hair. Not if it’s natural, or at what age I went gray, but “Do you know you have gray hair?”
This boggles my mind — yes, I am aware of my own hair color. I have mirrors. It’s also long enough that I can see it coming down my shoulders without a mirror.
What would be the proper way to respond?
GENTLE READER: “Really?” in a tone of extreme surprise, and with a hand up to your hair. Miss Manners would probably add, “Do you have a mirror I could borrow?”
But for those wanting less drama, perhaps “Thank you for letting me know.”
Or just “Thank you,” with the presumption that it must be meant as a compliment.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: From the files of “good manners run amok,” is it ever impolite to be friendly?
I work in a bustling environment where my sole 30-minute break is in a shared break room, where I like to read or just eat quietly and enjoy the peacefulness. One colleague comes in daily to use the microwave and always announces her entrance with a very loud and cheerful, “Hello, everybody!”
Two minutes later, having made no other conversation, she leaves with an equally boisterous, “Have a good afternoon, everybody!”
When she makes these announcements, most people choose to interrupt their conversations, their chewing or their quiet activities to respond in kind … twice. It feels rude not to.
I, however, ignore her well-meaning but general and, in my opinion, disruptive salutations and remain silent. It has become a daily annoyance to me, as I can’t shake the feeling that I am obligated to reply.
Is it impolite to ignore such untargeted greetings, or am I correct in thinking that she is, in fact, the one committing the error in etiquette?
GENTLE READER: Oh, please. Greeting colleagues is rude because it interferes with chewing?
Miss Manners is afraid that whatever time you spent working remotely has warped your idea of collegial behavior.
It is true that having to treat co-workers as dear friends was a farce that may now be recognized as such. You needn’t engage in conversations unrelated to work or socialize with them after hours.
But you do have to observe the decency of recognizing their presence. Even if it means sacrificing the reading time it takes you to say hello.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are invited to our neighbor’s high school graduation next month.
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The neighbor’s last name starts with a C, and my husband suggested that we depart the ceremony after our neighbor (in alphabetic position) crosses the stage.
I find this rude, but I also understand these ceremonies are lengthy and this is a senior class of 450. What’s your opinion on this?
GENTLE READER: That you should leave either after Z or before A. By the latter solution, Miss Manners means declining the invitation, with warm congratulations to the neighbors.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
