Harriette Cole: My friend didn’t want to hear my take on her disordered eating

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think a friend of mine may have a food addiction.

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Over the years, I’ve noticed that she has an unhealthy attachment to food. If we’re at a dinner party, her plate is piled high, or she is stashing away a to-go plate or eating multiple servings throughout an event.

I have tried to encourage her to have some self-control — as have other friends and loved ones — but it doesn’t work.

The other day she continued to complain about needing food before going to a dinner party, and I couldn’t take it. I told her to drink some water and stop asking about food.

That did not go over well. She told me that I was rude.

I’m worried about her eating habits, but I don’t know how to get through to her.

— Overeater

DEAR OVEREATER: Follow up with your friend. Tell her that you did not intend to hurt her feelings when you talked to her about food, but you need to share some feedback with her. Get her to agree to listen before you proceed.

If she is able to hear you, explain that you have noticed that she seems to have an unhealthy relationship with food, and you are worried about her. What you described sounds like she may eat as a security blanket.

A psychologist may be of help to her. Talking to a professional who understands human behavior, especially around food, may provide the support she needs to talk through what’s going on with her and address whatever issues she may have.

Know that you can make this recommendation, but she has to believe it’s important and take action herself. If she does not, do your best not to judge her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m getting out of prison soon, and I’m worried about what comes next.

When I left home, things were a bit rocky with my family. Some people have stayed in touch, and others created distance, but I wonder if there is space for reconciliation.

I am truly sorry for any difficulty I have caused my family. How can my family and I heal and move forward?

— Coming Home

DEAR COMING HOME: Take things one day at a time.

Set yourself up for success by making sure that you have a place to live. If you have a parole officer or other representative of the law with whom you need to connect, get that sorted immediately.

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Next, be in touch with the family members who have been supportive. Thank them for being there for you, and tell them that you will appreciate it if they continue to have your back. You know it will be challenging to ease back into life outside, and you don’t want to feel alone.

For the other family members, reach out to each one and tell them that you intend to turn your life around. Pledge to show them by your actions that they can be proud of you. Then, do it.

Rebuilding trust takes time. You can do it if you put your mind to it.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.