DEAR HARRIETTE: All of my friends are into running, and lately they’ve been talking about training for a marathon together.
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They keep encouraging me to join them, saying it would be an amazing challenge, a great bonding experience and something I’d feel proud of accomplishing.
The problem is that I hate running. I’ve never enjoyed it, and I have zero passion for it. The idea of training for months and running 26.2 miles sounds miserable, not exciting.
At the same time, I feel like I’m missing out by not participating. I don’t want to be the odd one out while they’re all supporting each other and celebrating this huge milestone together. I worry that if I don’t at least try, I’ll feel left out or regret not being a part of something so important to them.
Still,I don’t want to force myself into doing something I hate just for the sake of fitting in.
Should I push myself to try it anyway and see if I learn to love it? Or is it OK to say no and find other ways to connect with my friends without running a marathon?
— Peer Pressure
DEAR PEER PRESSURE: It is understandable that you worry about losing momentum and intimacy with your friends if you are the only one choosing not to participate in running. That’s OK. Relationship dynamics change over time, and it’s OK for you not to participate in something that doesn’t interest you.
There is an alternative. With your limited interest in the sport but real interest in your friends, consider offering to document their process.
Would you be willing to go to practice runs once a month — or with some other frequency — and take pictures of them on their run? Interview them periodically about their experiences? Offer other logistical support as they train? Be there on the day of the marathon to cheer them on and record their success?
This could be a lovely way to stay connected to them without having to do the thing you dislike.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A few months ago, my son was brutally attacked and robbed outside of a nightclub. He ended up having three surgeries and is still in physical therapy.
Thankfully, he’s finally able to walk again, but having to take care of him and see him that way broke my heart.
His 40th birthday is coming up, and he plans to have a party. I just can’t wrap my head around this.
After a near-death experience, why would you want to go right back to partying? Isn’t that how we got here in the first place?
— Fearful Mom
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DEAR FEARFUL MOM: As a mother and the one who nursed him back to where he is today, it makes sense that you would be worried about his next steps.
What you don’t want is for your son to remain fearful and to back away from life. Having a party to celebrate his life can be a wonderful experience for him and all in attendance. Don’t discourage him.
At the same time, you can encourage him to make safe choices for his life. Whatever his role was in getting hurt — like possibly not being sober — he should examine so he doesn’t repeat those mistakes. He may want to take self-defense classes as well.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
