DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would be most grateful if you could provide guidance on how to graciously handle two common problems with email.
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1. The response, “I never check that account.”
What do we do when our correspondence goes into a black hole? A number of people have claimed that the message I sent went to an account that they never check. But they don’t offer a newer or better address.
2. Social correspondents writing from their work accounts.
I’ve been shocked by friends who will read my email, which was sent to their personal accounts, and then reply from their work address. This includes a lawyer, who will reply to social messages and even gossipy chitchat from their work account.
Gentle prompts from me to switch accounts seem to fall on deaf ears.
GENTLE READER: To address your concerns in order:
1. “Oh! That’s the last email address you gave me. Is there a better one to use?”
2. “You don’t worry about your work having access to your personal emails? Maybe I’m paranoid, but I never put anything I wouldn’t want used against me in writing — much less on the corporate account.”
The effectiveness of either, Miss Manners cannot promise. But if you suspect that those friends who claim they are “just not good at correspondence” are purposely using decoy accounts when they refuse to follow up with a better option, they may not be the friends you thought they were.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have two nieces who are single, in their 30s and living together in a small home that one of them owns.
They will often announce to family members that they are planning a special party, then sit back and wait for a relative with a bigger house to offer to host the party for them. This dumps all of the responsibility, time and cost on the new host.
How can we stop this manipulation?
GENTLE READER: By not taking the bait.
Miss Manners suggests that you and the rest of the family practice saying, “That sounds lovely. What time should we be there?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our early 60s and are both retired. We are still in relatively good health, so we want to travel while we can.
Whenever my husband has suggested places to go, I have gone along with it, even though those destinations might not be my preference.
However, when I suggest places I want to go, my husband doesn’t show much enthusiasm, even if I would do all the planning and all he would have to do is pack and go. He usually just says he’ll think about it, and that’s it. No rejection, but he also doesn’t say yes.
We were offered a good deal for a cruise that I really wanted to go on. But he acted the same way again — saying he would think about it, then giving me no answer until the promotion expired.
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I’m getting to the point where I just want to go ahead and book everything before he says yes or no. I thought about finding another travel partner, but most of my friends are either still working or don’t like to travel.
Any advice?
GENTLE READER: That you take the absence of rejection as validation and book the tickets.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
