Miss Manners: Is my husband right that my phone alarm is rude?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am trying to drink more water, so I set an alarm on my phone to remind me hourly.

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Sometimes I am in public when the alarm (birds or crickets chirping) goes off. I turn it off immediately, but my husband says the noise is rude.

But if I could remember to shut off the alarm when leaving the house, I wouldn’t need an alarm to drink water in the first place.

Am I being impolite?

GENTLE READER: It depends where the alarm goes off. If it goes off in the car, it will annoy your husband, but is not, strictly speaking, rude. If it goes off on the subway, no one may notice it over the cacophony of other alarms going off — unless of course, it is the designated quiet car.

If at the library, the symphony or similar locations, Miss Manners is confident that the other patrons will be helpful in letting you know that they think you are being rude.

Diving to silence it when it does go off is, of course, important, but it would be much better to get in the habit of checking before entering spaces where some level of decorum is expected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend sent me an invitation to her child’s 7th birthday party; however, it came with a handwritten message that stated, “It’s probably best to come after 4 when the party is over and all the children leave.”

I do not have children; I have several friends who do, and I typically get invited to their kids’ birthday parties. I am happy to attend if I’m able, but I don’t expect an invitation every time. I realize some of the parties are small, family only types, or just for the kids in their child’s class, etc.

But I thought this was strange. It seemed like a way to invite me to a party, while sending a seemingly mixed message that I’m not really invited after all. Why would I want to show up when my friends will probably be cleaning and everyone else will be departing?

I’m not sure if they just assumed I wouldn’t want to come to the party because it will be a lot of children, but typically people would let me decide that when inviting me.

What do I make of it? Should I follow up with, “Am I going to be the only one showing up at that time?” It feels awkward, so I’m thinking of politely declining, but it has truly left me baffled.

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GENTLE READER: You have fallen victim to the evolving etiquette of the children’s birthday party, which changes so fast that even the parents of young children have trouble keeping up.

Miss Manners believes that rather than insulting you, the likely intent was to offer you the choice of attending the full event or — on the reasonable assumption that a roomful of rambunctious 7-year-olds is not always appealing to non-parenting adults — showing up for the adult after-party instead.

Unfortunately, that explanation was omitted, leaving you to make a choice you did not fully understand or to call the host or another guest and ask for clarification.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.