DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation. My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend.
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I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing, and she doesn’t seem shy about PDA. I have two much younger children, and I don’t think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway.
Besides, I don’t plan to pay for some sort of couples’ trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond.
I shared my stance with my son and explained that it’s OK for some things to be family-only, and he’s now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend.
My son is already away at college, so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations. I’m torn here.
Are my concerns unreasonable?
— Vacation Ultimatum
DEAR VACATION ULTIMATUM: Your concerns are valid, but you need to look at the big picture.
Talk to your son — and his girlfriend, if possible. Make it clear that she is welcome if she can dress and behave appropriately for a G-rated audience. That means no skimpy clothing and no overt PDA. Tell them that you get to set the parameters for the trip as it is your family trip.
If they are unwilling to comply, she cannot come — even if that means your family misses out on quality time.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, my longtime best friend and I fell out.
We grew up together and are the godmothers of each other’s children. But like any long-term relationship, we had our faults.
We shared different friend groups, and if I’m being honest, there may have been instances where I felt competitive. It sounds silly — and it was — but part of me envied how she was perceived, especially in comparison with how I am sometimes perceived. Oftentimes people describe me as cold or tough or see me as the less compassionate half of a duo.
There came a time where my jealousy was harder to hide. Our friends began feeling tension, and as a defense, I began mistreating my best friend. Though our children remain close, she and I are not.
I finally found the courage to admit to myself that I was jealous and wrong for mistreating my friend simply because of my insecurities. Frankly, I now understand why people perceived me the way they did.
I want to apologize and I’ve extended olive branches, but she doesn’t seem interested in rekindling our friendship.
Should I accept the consequences of my actions, or is there something I can do to mend this?
— Long-Lost Friend
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DEAR LONG-LOST FRIEND: It is good that you have the clarity of mind to realize your mistakes as it relates to your friend.
While she may never choose to get close to you again, you should make it clear to her what you have learned about your behavior. Write her a letter documenting what a great friend she had been and how you took it out on her.
Sincerely express your shame at behaving in that way. Ask for her forgiveness. That’s all you can do.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
