Miss Manners: We can’t have a graduation party, and nobody’s going to be happy

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is graduating with honors from a very selective university.

Miss Manners: Our school’s teacher appreciation week is so tacky

Miss Manners: Is it weird when I talk behind my hand? My husband says it is.

Miss Manners: The maid of honor’s wedding-day surprise was not a pleasant one

Miss Manners: My wife’s habit makes me cringe. After all these years, should I say something?

Miss Manners: Is my husband right that my phone alarm is rude?

My husband wants to invite family from both sides to attend, which would require everyone to travel out of state to a very expensive city.

Initially, we were going to host a nice party after the ceremony. Now it’s completely off, due to volatility in my husband’s job. He still wants to invite everyone, but let them know we can’t house them or provide any celebration outside of the graduation ceremony.

I think this is incredibly ill-mannered, and that we should just have our immediate family there. I find it offensive to ask family members to pay for airfare, expensive hotels and food while we provide nothing.

Some relatives would likely invite us to eat at a nice restaurant, at their expense, to celebrate. They can afford this, but it’s not their place.

Through the years, we have known some of our relatives to look down on us.

I feel horrible; I’m not trying to make my husband’s life harder, or most importantly, disappoint my son. He already expressed his desire to have a big party, and now we have to tell him it’s off.

GENTLE READER: Here is another argument against inviting the extended family to a graduation: Graduation ceremonies can be meaningful to the graduates and their immediate families, but you will perhaps forgive Miss Manners for saying that they are not sources of general entertainment.

Even if there are mesmerizing speakers, which is not always the case, most of the ritual consists of watching strangers walk across a stage.

When issuing invitations, one is supposed to consider the possible enjoyment one is offering the prospective guests. In this case, it is so minimal that anyone without a deep emotional attachment to your son would be foolish to accept.

As for your son himself, surely he is grown-up and intelligent enough to have sympathy for the family’s financial constraints, rather than resentment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 37-year-old woman who has never been engaged, married or had children. I’ll be graduating soon, and am not sure which title, Miss or Ms., to use for my graduation announcements.

I’d like to use Ms., but what exactly does it stand for? Please let me know which is most appropriate.

GENTLE READER: It stands for “Ms.” It is so useful that Miss (sic) Manners cannot understand the prejudice some people have against it.

Dear Abby: I said some horrible things on Facebook, and now I can’t see my grandkids

Jill On Money: Career advice for college grads

Asking Eric: My friends say they’re buddies with my mom and I’m making things weird

Harriette Cole: Need-to-know lessons from a beautiful mother

Miss Manners: Our school’s teacher appreciation week is so tacky

A small history lesson: Centuries ago, the all-purpose female honorific was Mistress, and it was as devoid of marital status as Mister. Mistress was abbreviated as Ms. So those who object to Ms. being too new a term are quite wrong.

It was only later that the word acquired separate versions — Miss and Mrs. — to denote marital status. A bad idea.

Worse, the term “mistress” picked up a less-than-respectable meaning. Female designations tend to do that, while male ones do not — “sir” as opposed to “madam,” for example. Hostility to Ms. seems an example of that prejudice.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.