DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister-in-law “Kate” worked for me for several years. Last summer, she had a baby and said she’d return to work immediately after maternity leave.
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The week before she was to come back to work, I emailed her the upcoming work schedule. Kate informed me that she wouldn’t be returning. I wanted to send back a scathing email, but instead I replied, “I am at a loss for words, and you put me in a difficult position as far as scheduling for the holiday shopping season.” She replied, “Sorry.”
I ended up having to work extra hours without pay. It was hard trying to make up for her absence.
Eventually, I found out that Kate had never intended to come back to work. I saw texts of her telling people to “keep it a secret” from me.
This past weekend, Kate mentioned that their finances were tight, and she was looking to get her job back. After what she did, I have absolutely no intention of hiring her again.
Do I tell her that point blank or let her apply and just not hire her? How should I deal with the fallout from the family?
— Family Business
DEAR FAMILY BUSINESS: Your sister-in-law has burned that bridge. She cannot be trusted.
You should speak to her and let her know how selfish and deceitful her behavior was regarding her maternity leave and returning to work. While people do those things sometimes in order to get as much money out of their jobs as possible, she is family. She should not have taken advantage of you in that way.
Unless she is your only option, don’t hire her back. If you need her, make her a probationary hire. She will need to prove her loyalty. With a new baby and the many challenges that can come from establishing a new rhythm in her life, she will have to make a big effort to prove herself.
DEAR HARRIETTE: This letter is regarding “Off-Limits,” who wants a boyfriend of two months to reveal where he lives.
Your advice to be direct was good, but there are perhaps other reasons he doesn’t want “Off-Limits” to see where he lives — maybe he lives at home with his parents or in transitional housing and is embarrassed about this; maybe he is interpreting the request as a way to get him in bed, and he’s not ready for that. In any case, these two need to have an open conversation as you recommended!
— Fan of Yours
DEAR FAN OF YOURS: Good additional considerations. Thanks. Yes, talking is necessary!
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m writing about the letter you received from “Off-Limits.”
My thought is that possibly the boyfriend has had an experience with a person that he had dated a short time becoming a stalker after they broke up. Maybe he’s feeling it’s best to know someone longer than two months before he invites them to know where he lives.
— Another Angle
DEAR ANOTHER ANGLE: Stalkers are hard to shake. Being protective of your personal space is wise before you let somebody all the way in to your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
