Harriette Cole: It’s not that I’m stingy, I just don’t have the money to tip

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do I have to tip for everything these days?

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I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by how often I’m expected to leave a tip — at coffee shops, takeout counters and self-checkout kiosks. It seems like no matter where I go, there’s a screen prompting me to leave 20% or more, even when there hasn’t been any real service involved.

I’m all for supporting workers, and I understand that many service employees rely on tips as a main source of their income, but it’s starting to feel excessive.

I used to associate tipping with sit-down restaurants or services where someone really went out of their way to help me. Now it feels like a moral dilemma every time I buy a muffin or get a cup of tea. I don’t want to seem stingy or disrespectful, but I’m also on a budget and these little tips are adding up fast.

Is it wrong to feel this way? How do I navigate tipping culture without going broke or feeling guilty every time I hit the “no tip” button?

— The Art of Tipping

DEAR THE ART OF TIPPING: The extent to which tips are requested has changed. You are right that most checkouts request tips. That does not mean you have to give it.

You can still go by the wisdom that you tip for attentive service. Look around — in some small coffee shops, you will notice workers truly extending themselves as they care for customers — a perfect time to tip. Do not tip at self-checkout stations, fast-food counters or drive-through windows. Use your judgment and leave the guilt behind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently broke my foot, and as a result, I’m now in a walking boot and on crutches for the next two to three months.

It’s been a major adjustment; everything from getting dressed to running errands has become a challenge.

I live alone in a major city where I rely heavily on public transportation, which has made things even more complicated. Navigating buses and trains with crutches is exhausting, and sometimes it feels nearly impossible to get to a doctor’s appointment or pick up groceries.

What’s been most surprising and disappointing, though, is the lack of support from my closest friends. While some have checked in via text, none have really offered to help in a practical way, like bringing food, giving me a ride or coming over to keep me company.

I know everyone is busy with their own lives, but I guess I expected a little more compassion or initiative, especially from people I’ve been there for in the past.

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I don’t want to come across as needy or burdensome, but at the same time, I’m feeling overwhelmed and a little hurt. Is it wrong to feel let down?

— Broken

DEAR BROKEN: Sure, you can feel let down, but that feeling isn’t going to help you any. Instead, be proactive.

Your friends clearly do not understand what your needs are, so you must tell them. Make a list of how they can help you, and ask if any of them are willing to do so. Some of your friends will step up.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.