DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an executive chef at a five-star restaurant who frequently entertains at home.
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I love to cook creatively and come up with ideas for things the guests have never had done before, usually with success.
However, I got some feedback after a dinner party that makes me wonder if I breached a rule of etiquette of which I was unaware.
The invitations were for four couples — my parents, my wife’s parents and two other couples — to join us for a “very informal Sunday supper” at which the menu was a soup bar with five kinds of homemade soup. This was not canned condensed soup; this was high-quality, five-star-restaurant seafood chowder, venison minestrone and a Middle Eastern lamb soup that I spent a lot of time on.
There were three kinds of homemade bread to go with it and homemade ice cream for dessert. No one went home hungry, and the guests mostly raved about it.
However, my father-in-law told my wife that he was disappointed in a meal that was “just soup.”
My father-in-law has never been satisfied with anything I do, so I’m inclined to write him off, but for future reference, is there some rule I’m not aware of that an “informal Sunday supper” must be more than what I offered?
GENTLE READER: Recognizing that restaurateurs are fond of garnishing food with words, Miss Manners will overlook the unnecessary complexity of calling what happened anything other than a meal for family and friends.
Ordinarily, she — like your father-in-law and, she suspects, you as well — would expect a meal to include more than soup — even good soup, even soup followed by ice cream. But knowing your profession, your guests were doubtless expecting something out of the ordinary.
The charm of this meal was its experimental nature. As you said, no one left hungry. And with one exception, whom you know to be generally negative, the guests raved about it.
You may take this as feedback. You may also tell your wife that it is not at all necessary to pass on any future disgruntled comments from her father.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a baby shower, and the invitation included a link to an expensive registry. I happily RSVP’d, ordered a gift and put the date on my calendar.
I then noticed the fine print: Bring a book of your choice and also a pack of diapers.
I am on a budget. The gift was already a stretch for me financially. Now there is an added expense of “bonus gifts.”
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How do I respond without being that “cheap” friend?
GENTLE READER: Etiquette says that the choice of presents is up to the donor, but Miss Manners is unfortunately aware that the host’s beliefs may differ.
She nevertheless recommends you attend sans book and diapers with your head held high, as most hosts have the decency not to share what they may be thinking.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
