DEAR MISS MANNERS: My youngest son is getting married this summer. His wife-to-be has a large extended family.
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I have received an invitation to a dinner/shower which, across the top in big letters, states: “Couples only.”
I am not in a couple, and haven’t been for some time. I am not dating anyone, and my ex-husband is dead, so I can’t ask him. I am not sure what the correct way is to RSVP.
I think this might be the first of similar invites that will come this way.
GENTLE READER: The wording is unfortunate, but Miss Manners is guessing that it is not intended to say that you can’t come to dinner unless you are married. Rather, it is probably to suggest that single people should not bring what is (also unfortunately) known as a plus-one.
At least, let us hope so. Check with your son. If they really mean that they are running a Noah’s Ark operation, he might want to reconsider hopping aboard.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’ve been invited to a combination graduate/Father’s Day gathering at an in-law’s house.
The hosts suggested it in order to honor all the fathers in the family, as well as the three graduates: my husband from grad school, our son from high school and the hosts’ daughter from high school. Our in-laws have offered to provide all the food and beverages.
With one week to go, we’ve been informed that the hosts will show a video of their daughter’s life through high school. The daughter is intelligent, athletic and accomplished (head of her school’s newspaper, etc.).
Our son has a learning disorder and worked very hard, including taking summer school and repeating some classes, in order to pass our state’s high school exit exam and graduate. His accomplishments are more personal than his cousin’s, which are public.
My brother-in-law has “invited” us to put a video together for our son and bring it to share. We don’t know how, and it’s awfully short notice for us, who are technologically challenged. (BIL works in the computer industry.)
What are our polite options? Is there a kind way to avoid watching the cousin’s video, or must guests indulge their host’s every whim? Also, how do we protect our children from what is bound to encourage uneven comparisons in this competitive family? Should we even worry about that?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners does not necessarily believe that family competitions should be encouraged. But here is how to win this one:
Do not make a film. After sitting through the celebration of the hosts’ daughter, the rest of the family will be only too grateful not to have to watch another.
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Just stand up and say, “Congratulations, Olivia! That’s wonderful. We’re equally proud of Liam’s achievements, but we’re not filmmakers, so I’m afraid you’ll just have to take our word for it.”
You — and Liam — will probably get an ovation.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can/should one wish a Roman Catholic priest a happy Father’s Day?
GENTLE READER: If you are sure that he has a sense of humor.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
