Miss Manners: My secret lover died, and the family has been making pointed inquiries about me

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was “the other one” in my relationship with the person I loved.

Miss Manners: How can I work with these people now that I know they tattle on me?

Miss Manners: I refuse to yield my Father’s Day rights to my selfish son-in-law

Miss Manners: The wedding dinner is for couples only, but I can’t invite a dead man

Miss Manners: Can I put a sign in my bathroom for one particular guest?

Miss Manners: They all arrived early at the restaurant, and I find it suspicious

Even aside from the marital infidelity, the relationship would have been considered scandalous by my lover’s family because I am the wrong race, gender, social class, age, whatever (pick one).

My loved one died, leaving me grieving in isolation. I posted condolences, attended the funeral quietly and sometimes visit the grave alone. I need to do so as part of the grieving process; I am near recovery now, and distancing myself from the death.

Even so, the relatives have begun making pointed inquiries about me. I have ignored the questions so far, primarily because doing otherwise would be a betrayal of my loved one’s wishes and reputation.

My obvious sin aside, am I now doing the proper thing?

GENTLE READER: That will depend on your guess as to the motivation behind the inquiries, as well as how much time has passed. Miss Manners would only expect you to welcome overtures from well-meaning family members for whom any thoughts of scandal or sin were buried with the deceased.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a ministry leader at my church and am well-known within the congregation. After the church service, many people like to stay in the lobby for a few minutes to chat.

I find myself often in an embarrassing situation that I don’t know how to handle: Suppose I’ve been chatting with someone, let’s call them Person A, for just a minute. Then I feel someone, Person B, touch my shoulder or arm to get my attention. I turn to see that it’s another friendly person who wishes to chat.

Now, my body is still facing Person A, with whom I wish to continue talking, but my head is turned to chat with Person B, who has interrupted our conversation.

I find this situation terribly awkward and disrespectful to Person A. Sometimes, when I finally manage to end the interaction with Person B, Person A has already left. I feel awful when this happens, and it occurs far too often.

Harriette Cole: Is there a way to compromise on having a baby?

Dear Abby: What do I look like, the Cheesecake Factory?

Asking Eric: It’s not in my nature to ghost but, boy, is she boring

Harriette Cole: I see the boyfriend’s secret home as a huge red flag

Miss Manners: How can I work with these people now that I know they tattle on me?

I don’t understand how Person B can feel it’s acceptable to interrupt an ongoing conversation, but at the same time, I don’t know how to ignore someone who is physically trying to get my attention. Can you please advise me on how to handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: Ah yes, the ministry two-step. Listen raptly until Person A reaches the end of a sentence. Say, “Excuse me just one second.” Turn to Person B. Say, “I was just talking to Person A, won’t you join us?” Turn back to Person A, opening up the circle to include Person B. Say (to Person A), “You were saying …”

And do this all so quickly that neither Person A nor Person B has a chance to take over. Fortunately, as a ministry leader, you are used to commanding attention.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.