Miss Manners: Did my question really back the hostess into a corner?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and his wife were visiting me for a week. During that week, I was invited to a barbecue at the home of some old friends.

Miss Manners: So these women think they can wear anything as long as it’s black?

Miss Manners: How do I tell them I’m not as rich as they think?

Miss Manners: I’m rebuked when I dare to stray from the parents’ list of approved gifts

Miss Manners: My secret lover died, and the family has been making pointed inquiries about me

Miss Manners: How can I work with these people now that I know they tattle on me?

I explained that my brother and sister-in-law were visiting and asked if it would be OK for them to attend. The hostess said “of course.” I made extra portions of food and brought them along.

Now, my spouse has said that it was rude of me to accept the invitation and that by asking whether my visiting brother could attend I was putting the hostess on the spot and that she could not say no.

As these are old friends, and I have met many of their families at other events (including ones I have hosted), I didn’t think asking this question about my own relatives was rude. Was it?

GENTLE READER: Well, there is a formula that makes it easier on the hostess. If you say, “Oh, we’d love to, but my brother and sister-in-law are visiting then,” she can say either “Please bring them” or “I’d love to meet them another time.”

There are polite ways to say no. If not, we would all be at the mercy of anyone suggesting anything.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have skills and interests that are rather unusual in modern times.

I enjoy these hobbies immensely, though I make a point of not bringing them up with new acquaintances, since they are not likely to make a two-way conversation flow.

When I meet a friend of a friend, however, my interests are invariably a part of the introduction, usually followed by a comment like, “She’s so good at everything, it makes me sick!”

I am certainly not good at everything. There are plenty of things I am just terrible at!

Perhaps there is talent in what I do well, beyond the learning of a skill, but I have worked hard to develop that talent — not to show off, but just because it fascinates me.

I would be absolutely thrilled to teach anyone who wanted to learn, since I hate to think of these skills becoming extinct. Really, anybody who wanted to learn could.

I realize that my friends mean to express admiration for skills they do not possess and do not care to gain, but being told I “make them sick” is very off-putting to me, and I have no idea how I am supposed to respond.

GENTLE READER: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I never dreamed my little interests would upset you. Are you going to be all right?”

Dear Abby: I had surgery, and my husband wouldn’t stay home with me

Asking Eric: She chose a hurtful way to let me know I can’t come to the wedding

Harriette Cole: They have no time for my unlikable aunt

Miss Manners: So these women think they can wear anything as long as it’s black?

Dear Abby: I just found out my best friend doesn’t trust me with her husband

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My hair is so thin on top you can see my scalp. I am going to an upscale evening wedding. Would it be a social error to wear a hat?

GENTLE READER: Aren’t weddings what hats are for? Well, enhancing heads, too.

Perhaps you are concerned because it is an evening wedding. But in that case, you wear what is aptly called a fascinator — something whimsical but without a brim, strategically placed.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.