DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I hosted a longtime friend of mine for 10 days at our home.
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She had told me she enjoys staying with friends for extended periods, finding it an efficient way to travel.
She did not bring her own bathroom essentials, vitamins, slippers, etc. We did all the driving and the planning. We cooked and served every breakfast, lunch and dinner, along with providing beer and wine every day. (Typically she drinks much more than we do.)
Often she would ask the menu for the day, and I would prepare a shopping list. She would join me in the shopping and point out items she thought would be helpful. I invited her to purchase items she wanted outside the menu, but her answer always was, “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
We told her we were happy to dine out if she did not mind separate checks. She said yes, but added that a man’s ego usually prevents this, so I should make sure my husband was on the same page. (He was.) She secretly joked with me that if she stares at the check long enough, someone will grab it.
We dined out once and included another couple, and everyone received their own check. She took us out to dinner at the end of her stay as a thank-you.
My manners taught me to be a generous host, and I believe we were, all the way to the end when I drove her to the airport. However, I feel like our generosity was taken advantage of.
Where is the line? Is a longer-term guest expected to pitch in? I will definitely think carefully about a future invite.
GENTLE READER: A longer-term guest is expected to do more, and Miss Manners agrees your friend fell short. But where the line is drawn can be challenging since any equalization of expense is meant to occur by the balancing of invitations — not within a single visit.
Where your friend offended most was when she all but told you she was sticking you with the expenses: joining the shopping expedition and standing at the checkout counter but never offering to pay; joking about staring at the check; the comment about a man’s ego.
She would be a much more effective moocher — not to mention a much more pleasant houseguest — if she would learn when to keep her thoughts to herself.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an acquaintance who frequently walks her dog at the same time I do. We are both female.
She is a nice person, and we get along well; our dogs even like each other.
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The issue is that her skirts or sundresses keep getting shorter. I avert my eyes, but I have seen more of her anatomy than I care to. I have also seen a certain male neighbor looking at her in a not-so-nice way.
Should I say something to her? If so, how do I do so politely?
GENTLE READER: Really, as this person is merely an acquaintance, Miss Manners fails to see why you would wish to raise the question of who is sniffing whom at all.
[The Asking Eric column answered a similar question. Here’s what Eric said about the short-skirted companion.]
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
