Miss Manners: Can I, as the host, abandon the rowdy drinkers?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teetotaler. My husband and most of our friends are avid connoisseurs of wine and spirits.

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Normally, this is not a problem, as I can politely excuse myself from any events that are primarily about appreciating alcohol. But an etiquette issue sometimes arises when we’re hosting dinner at our place.

The first couple of hours generally go well, with good conversation and enjoyment of food and company. At some point, however, the gathering evolves from a dinner party into a drinking session.

By this I mean that after the meal is over, the guests continue to sit around the table drinking, their cups refilled by my husband. Eventually, the conversation becomes more animated than I can keep up with, as voices get a bit louder and arguments a little muddled. This can continue for a few hours.

Everyone is having a good time, no one has to drive themselves home, and I am happy for my guests to enjoy themselves. I don’t want to put a stop to the fun, even though it has left me behind.

But what I would like to do is excuse myself from the table when this happens and get started on my dishes. Is there a graceful way to accomplish this without implying that the party is over?

GENTLE READER: Curiously, the alcohol is clouding everyone’s judgment in this case — even yours, and you are not partaking.

As a host, you cannot properly leave your own party, even though Miss Manners understands both that it has become a bore for you and that the guests are unlikely to notice your absence.

The solution is to manage the time, as well as the quantity of alcohol consumed. After all, you did not keep serving the pot roast until the guests begged for mercy. So at some point, stop pouring wine and offer coffee instead. Even if your guests are not grateful in the moment, they will be so the next morning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s cousin and her husband live a few miles away from us. While their parents were fairly close when the cousins were growing up, the cousins themselves didn’t maintain contact once they became adults.

I enjoy sending greeting cards for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and so on, and this cousin is on my list. We’re also friends on social media.

She messages me and suggests that we get together for lunch sometime, but offers no specific details. I then propose a date, time and place, which she agrees to, but always cancels on the day of the meeting.

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I’ve come to expect this and don’t think much of it, but it upsets my husband.

Should I continue making suggestions even though I know they will likely be canceled at the last minute?

GENTLE READER: Next time the cousin proposes a get-together, give an equally vague response: “That would be great.” Breaking the pattern may or may not change her behavior, but it will give everyone something new to think about.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.