DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently made a huge mistake, and I feel sick about it.
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My best friend confided in me that she’s pregnant, which is something she and her husband have been trying for over two years to make happen.
When she told me, she was so happy and made it clear that it was still a secret. They wanted to wait a few more weeks before announcing it to everyone in a cute and memorable way, which they had been planning for months.
I was happy for her, and I truly meant to honor her trust, but during a casual hangout with our group of friends, I accidentally let it slip.
Now she’s understandably furious with me. She said she feels like a special moment has been stolen from her and her husband, and I completely get it. I’ve apologized over and over, but she barely acknowledges me.
I hate knowing I caused her pain during what should be one of the happiest times of her life.
How do I even begin to fix this? Is there anything I can do to make it right, or did I permanently ruin our friendship?
— Broken Confidence
DEAR BROKEN CONFIDENCE: Your friend feels especially hurt because you two are so close, which is why she confided in you in the first place. It feels like a deep betrayal.
Only time can heal this wound. Back off for now, and let her calm down. See if she reaches out after a month or so. If not, try again.
Offer to help her in any way that she may need, but don’t push. She will have to decide when she lets you back in the fold.
Pregnancy is an interesting time because the mother’s hormones are changing as the baby grows, and everything seems amplified. You cannot force anything. Just let her know you love her and want to be there for her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is a wine connoisseur. She knows a lot about it and spends a lot of money on it.
I don’t have that kind of money, but I do enjoy wine and like to serve it when guests visit.
I find my friend to be obnoxious about her wine tastes. I see her turn up her nose when she sees my selections.
She has taken to bringing her own bottles when she comes over to my house so that she can drink what she likes. I find this to be rude — especially since she doesn’t share her wine with others. She just drinks what she brought for herself.
How do I get this to stop?
— Obnoxious Friend
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DEAR OBNOXIOUS FRIEND: While your friend may be obnoxious about her wine selection, you can look past her behavior and allow her to bring what she wants to your house.
I have seen this in practice in the South, where people visit friends and family with a cooler full of whatever they like to drink — but there’s no judgment attached. Sometimes they offer to share. Other times it’s just their self-contained minibar that travels with them so that they are self-sufficient.
Consider her to be her own one-man band, so to speak. Let her come with whatever she wants and stew in her own judgments while you continue to entertain your friends without allowing yourself to feel belittled by her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
