Harriette Cole: My teen expects us to buy her a new car

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 17-year-old daughter recently got into a car accident. Thankfully, she wasn’t seriously hurt, but the car was totaled.

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After talking to her about what happened, it became clear that the accident was due to her not paying attention: She was distracted, and it cost her.

Now that the dust has settled, she’s asking my husband and me to buy her a new car. She seems to expect that we’ll replace it like we’re upgrading her phone, and I’m struggling with how entitled she sounds.

I understand that having a car is important for her independence, job and social life, but I also feel strongly that this is an opportunity to teach her some real-world responsibility. I told her that we’re willing to help with the cost, but she needs to contribute financially as well, whether that means saving up from her part-time job or doing extra work around the house.

She, of course, is frustrated and thinks we’re being unfair. She says she’s already learned her lesson from the crash, but I’m not so sure.

Am I being too harsh?

— Learn the Lesson

DEAR LEARN THE LESSON: Your daughter absolutely should have repercussions due to her accident. She needs to step up and help figure out how she can have a car again.

Yes, she should have to help pay for it. One way to approach this might be to offer to match dollar for dollar whatever money she is willing and able to put toward the vehicle.

Sure, it’s frustrating, but so was the crash that totaled the car, raised your insurance bill and required the purchase of a new car. She may think she has learned her lesson, but she has a long way to go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved in with my roommate about six months ago, and at first, everything was fine. We got along well, split chores evenly and respected each other’s space. Recently, things have taken a serious turn for the worse.

We got into a huge argument a few weeks ago. I won’t go into all the details, but it got pretty heated and personal. Ever since then, things have been unbearably tense in the apartment. We barely speak, and when we do, it’s cold or passive-aggressive. I don’t feel comfortable in my own home anymore, and I find myself avoiding being there as much as possible.

The problem is, we’re still in the middle of our lease, and breaking it would be expensive. Neither of us can afford to pay the full rent on our own, and I don’t think she’s interested in moving out either.

I feel stuck. I want to move out and get some peace of mind, but I don’t know how to do that without making things worse financially or legally.

Do you have any advice on how to handle this? Is there a way to get out of the lease early or find a compromise that won’t destroy my bank account or my sanity?

— Stuck

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DEAR STUCK: Start by asking your roommate for a meeting. Address the elephant in the room: namely, that ever since your argument, things have been tense.

Ask her if she can agree to a truce since you both need to live there. Agree on who does what, and recommend that you dial back the hostility. Apologize for anything hurtful you said or did, and ask for a reset.

Check with your landlord to see what it would cost to break the lease or find a replacement tenant for you. Besides that, if it is a one-year lease, the good news is that six months will fly by.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.