DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a longtime friend, “Marty,” who recently became friendly with my husband.

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Last year, he was visiting us when my husband spoke rudely to me. When I invited Marty to spend a weekend with us this year, he told me no. He said that while he respects our friendship, he was so upset about how my husband treated me that he doesn’t want to be in his space anymore.

It is true that my husband was wildly disrespectful that day. When I talked to him about it, he shrugged it off, so there never was any resolution.

Should I bring this up to my husband? Maybe trying to talk about it again could help us address our issues. I worry, though, that it will just make him mad at Marty for daring to say anything about it.

— Do I Say Something?

DEAR DO I SAY SOMETHING?: It sounds like you and your husband need some counseling to get to the heart of your issues. Sometimes it does take an outsider’s perspective to help people realize they are in crisis.

Bringing up Marty’s reaction to a squabble you had a year ago may not be the best strategy with your husband. Instead, make a list of grievances that you have. What is going on in your relationship that needs to be addressed?

Be honest with yourself, then drum up the courage to address these topics with your husband. Ask him to work with you and a professional so that you can heal and rebuild your life together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has a habit of oversharing personal drama on social media, and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Often, I’m tagged in posts or mentioned in stories that reveal private conversations or situations that I never intended to be public.

I laughed it off at first, thinking it was harmless, but it’s become a regular occurrence, and I’m starting to dread logging on to my accounts.

I value our friendship and don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings or make her feel self-conscious, but I also feel like my privacy is being violated. I’ve tried subtly hinting that some things should stay private, but nothing seems to change.

I’m torn between speaking up directly, which might make things awkward, and staying silent, which makes me feel disrespected.

How can I set boundaries with my friend about what’s appropriate to share online while still protecting our friendship?

— Oversharing

DEAR OVERSHARING: The only way to nip this in the bud is to be direct.

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Harriette Cole: I’m afraid I’ll get in too deep on the rich women’s trip

People have different social media thresholds. Clearly, you and your friend do not align in that regard. Speak to your friend and tell her that you love her and appreciate being able to be vulnerable with her, but you now see that she is not keeping your confidences private.

Provide specific examples of when she violated your privacy by sharing something personal on social media. Tell her that this is not OK. From now on, tell her if she wants to share something about you, she has to check in with you first.

She may get mad. That’s fine. She must learn these boundaries, or she will start seeing less of you.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.