DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I have been friends with a person who is intellectually disabled. I became acquainted with him and his sister, who cared for him; his sister has now died, and he is living independently.
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I take him on family camping trips, take him to lunches and dinners and visit with him often, as does the rest of my family. He and my son have developed a solid friendship.
After his sister died, his sister’s longtime best friend became his legal guardian. She thanks me for the things I do for and with him — e.g., “Thank you for taking (name) camping,” etc.
I knew him for years before I ever met her. Is it wrong or petty of me to resent her thank-yous?
I do not feel they are necessary, as my friendship with this man is something I chose, not something I am doing out of “the goodness of my heart” or any other such sentiment.
How do I handle this?
GENTLE READER: By responding each time with, “No, no, it is I who am thankful to have such a good friend.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a single woman who is frequently asked about my plans for marriage.
The individuals making these inquiries have no business asking this question, let alone hearing the answer.
I typically smile and change the subject without answering their question. A few times, when particularly startled, I have responded with, “I beg your pardon.”
Is there a more polite way to handle this highly impertinent question?
GENTLE READER: “If this is a proposal, I am sorry to have to disappoint you.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been collecting silver flatware in various patterns when I see pieces at really great prices.
I also love to entertain, both casually and semi-formally. In both cases, I love to mix up the place settings with all of my different patterns.
At this point, I’ve donated all my stainless steel flatware and only use the real silver.
Is it gauche for me to be using all these silver patterns together? My china is also a pattern wherein every piece is a different floral. My tablescape looks like a lovely English garden, and to me, it’s very beautiful.
I hope you tell me I’m not committing a horrible faux pas.
GENTLE READER: Well, you are leaving the impression that you have descended from well-stocked families, and inherited silver from various branches. As long as you do not actually say so, Miss Manners cannot count this as a faux pas.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a 60th wedding anniversary party and it states: “Absolutely no gifts.”
What can I do for the lovely couple, with whom I have been friends for many, many years? I really want to give them something!!!
GENTLE READER: Then give them something priceless: a letter of appreciation about them and their friendship.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
