Recently, a friend called me in tears, saying her sweet kitty’s health was failing. She was, understandably, having a rough time navigating this difficult period in a pet parent’s life.

Anyone who’s ever loved a pet will tell you that saying goodbye to them is truly the worst part of having one. We forget just how much time we actually spend with them. Every day, we feed them, we walk them or play with them, we touch them and some of us share our bed with them. We delight in seeing their cute faces. We touch and stroke their soft fur. We listen to their soothing purrs or excited barks. We take comfort in their unconditional love. They are, truly, part of the family.

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So when they’re gone, we feel their absence acutely. But because pets aren’t humans, the pain of losing one isn’t always recognized by others for the impact this loss has on our lives. And as a result, we may not share our grief as much, which makes it all that harder to heal.

These feelings are often combined with other difficult ones related to a pet’s death. If it was sudden and traumatic, there’s no time to prepare. And if we’re faced with the question of whether to let them go through euthanasia, we’re often plagued with doubt.

Most people recognize that euthanasia is truly a gift we can give our beloved pets. We can spare or relieve them from pain and discomfort. And even if they’re not in pain, for some animals, not being able to express normal behaviors or enjoy things they used to severely affects their quality of life.

When my very active dog, Digby, had congestive heart failure, he was not allowed to exercise more than a slow walk, let alone participate in his favorite activity of all time: chasing a ball. He seemed depressed by this lack of physical activity, and when his medication made him urinate in the house because the need was so urgent and frequent, he acted like he’d done something wrong. It was heartbreaking. With no improvement expected in his condition, we made the decision — in consultation with his veterinarian — to let him go peacefully.

I knew it was the right thing to do, but boy was it hard — harder than I expected. I felt the loss of Digby acutely for many months and still well up with tears on occasion thinking about him, even though it’s been several years. I was glad we made the decision when we did, though.

Sometimes, people delay euthanasia because they can’t bear to say goodbye. And while I completely understand that feeling, it’s not fair to the pet that depends on us to keep them happy and healthy. Many medications and treatments to prolong a pet’s life cause other issues and discomfort, so it’s important to think carefully about how you want the rest of your treasured friend’s life to be.

Regardless of how or when you lose a pet, remember that it’s truly a loss and there’s no time limit on your grief. Marin Humane offers free online support groups every month as well as several resources to help. Visit marinhumane.org/get-help/pet-loss to learn more.

Lisa Bloch is the marketing and communications director for Marin Humane, which contributes Tails of Marin and welcomes questions and comments from the community. Visit marinhumane.org, find us on social media @marinhumane, or email [email protected].