DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate has a habit of leaving extremely specific, passive-aggressive notes all over our apartment about cleaning, dishes and other household chores.

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Some of the notes feel petty, while others make me feel like I’m being criticized or watched, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind.

I’ve tried picking up after myself, doing extra chores and even leaving polite replies or notes in return, but nothing seems to change their behavior. I’m tired of the constant tension building in what should be a relaxing home environment, but I also dread having a major confrontation that could make living together unbearable or create lasting resentment.

How do I get my roommate to communicate like an adult, express their concerns directly and handle household responsibilities in a healthy way without escalating the passive-aggressive behavior or damaging our living situation?

— No More Post-Its

DEAR NO MORE POST-ITS: Ask your roommate to have a household meeting. At the meeting, point out that you have noticed the many notes all over your home with your roommate’s requests for work to be done. Push back.

Explain that you do not appreciate the notes. You prefer having a direct conversation about the delineation of duties in your shared space. Acknowledge that the two of you have different standards, and point out that you have been making an effort to step up and address the things they have pointed out.

Firmly request that the notes stop. Suggest that you meet once a week to address any household concerns in person.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that a family member has been lying about having serious health issues in order to get sympathy and financial help from relatives.

At first, I felt sorry for them and even contributed some money myself, but then I learned through another source that their health scare was completely fabricated. Now I feel both hurt and angry, not only because I was deceived, but also because other family members are still sacrificing their time and resources under false pretenses.

Part of me feels like I should speak up and expose the truth before more people get taken advantage of, but I’m also worried that doing so will cause a huge rift in the family. I don’t want to be seen as the troublemaker, but I also don’t want to stand by and watch this go on.

Should I confront them directly, tell the rest of the family or keep my distance and stay out of it?

I’m struggling with whether it’s even my place to intervene, since I don’t want to come across as self-righteous. At the same time, I feel a strong sense of responsibility to protect my loved ones from being manipulated further.

— Expose the Truth

DEAR EXPOSE THE TRUTH: To the best of your ability, go back and verify that this person is lying to the family. This is a serious accusation that should be confirmed.

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Harriette Cole: This advice from my therapist seems drastic. Should I go for it anyway?

Miss Manners: Should we give any warning before our shiny new fence goes up?

Then go directly to the person and reveal what you have learned. Share your horror at learning that this person is deceiving family members and basically stealing from them. Ask them to stop.

You shouldn’t stop there, though. Go to this person’s parents or siblings and share what you have learned. This is a serious situation that needs to be addressed.

Yes, people may get upset. That’s OK. The truth needs to come out.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.