Miss Manners: My child was a bad friend, and I don’t know how to approach the other mom

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter acted poorly and distanced herself from one of her good friends. This is the second time in a few years she has done this.

Miss Manners: I wanted to refuse my drink after seeing what the flight attendant did

Miss Manners: I haven’t told my neighbors why I sprint through the lobby

Miss Manners: My mother embarrasses me at restaurants with her showy post-meal routine

Miss Manners: She referred to her dog as her kid, and I didn’t know what to say

Miss Manners: I’m told I should be nice and pretend it’s a real wedding

I’ve spoken to her for weeks, trying to get her to apologize and mend their relationship.

My daughter has now reached out to her friend, saying she wants to be friends again. The friend said OK.

I’m close with the mom of this child, but now I feel like there is a strain on my parent friendship because my child was the one who acted poorly. I don’t know how to approach the mom since this transpired. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks. I have a feeling she is upset with me for my daughter’s behavior, and she has a right to be.

Do I reach out to the mom? Do I wait until I see her in person at a school event? I’m normally really good at reading a situation, but this one is confusing me.

GENTLE READER: It is easy to blame the parents for a child’s behavior. Sometimes it is their fault. Sometimes, however, children remind us that they are their own people and act independently — despite one’s best efforts and proper upbringing.

It is a good and wise parent friend who can tell the difference.

Miss Manners suggests that you help this one along on the journey. Reach out to your friend to clear the air, telling her that you were appalled by your daughter’s behavior and have had many long talks about how it affects her friend. You might even say that if she sees your daughter acting this way again to tell you at once and you will address it.

Your friend may attempt to rekindle the friendship or she may not. But the chances of the situation being reversed at some point in her own child’s interactions are high. So she would be wise to be generous with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been given a gift of immeasurable proportions: the gift of having my life saved by many nurses and doctors after my cancer diagnosis.

I want to show my gratitude to these wonderful people who have selflessly dedicated their lives to helping others, asking for nothing in return. I would like to at least give them each a card and small gift, yet each time I set out to write a note of thanks, no words can express the level of gratitude that I feel.

Harriette Cole: My son won’t forgive me for being a mama bear

Dear Abby: The other grandparents forgot about the gift. Should we try to fix things?

Asking Eric: This is the secret phrase to use if you can’t understand a help center rep

Harriette Cole: I’m on a new path, but my boyfriend wants the old me

Miss Manners: I wanted to refuse my drink after seeing what the flight attendant did

What do you suggest that I say or do? Also, would it be appropriate to donate to a cancer charity in their names and let them know about it?

GENTLE READER: No. They are making enough donations to the medical field on their own.

A heartfelt letter expressing your thanks is best. Miss Manners suggests you focus on the specific things they did to make you feel better and help you heal. Expressing your gratitude will make them feel more appreciated than any small, generic gift.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.