DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m tired of being the only planner in my family.
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All family events, paperwork and major decisions fall to me, despite having two older siblings.
My parents’ 30th anniversary just went by, and six months prior my siblings and I discussed throwing them a well-deserved celebration with all our friends and family. As the big day approached and I realized my siblings were dragging their feet, I began sending out invites and reaching out to vendors.
As I began to secure certain things, I’d write to my siblings, asking how they could help and when they were available. Sometimes my messages would go unanswered, or they’d say they’d let me know soon and not follow up at all. I ended up planning it all alone.
On the day of the party, my brother, amazed, told me he knew I didn’t need any help because I’m “so great at this.” My hypercritical sister kept asking about small details that she didn’t like or that I had missed completely. Either way, I didn’t like it.
Why can’t I rely on my siblings? What am I doing that makes them view me as the safety net?
— Family Planner
DEAR FAMILY PLANNER: You are taking action and proving to them that you won’t drop the ball. For the next activity, assign them specific tasks rather than asking them loosely what they will do.
Yes, it will mean that you are still the organizer, but at least this way you may get some help in executing a plan.
Give them deadlines and schedule required weekly meetings to review progress. By guiding them through the process, you will be showing them how to take some of the load off of you in the future.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have shifted from talking and texting most days to interacting only via social media.
It didn’t happen overnight, but at some point, I felt as though I was always initiating communication. I was in a tough season recently, and when I didn’t have it in me to call or text loved ones, I realized I didn’t hear from her.
Since then, our friendship has felt distant, at least to me.
She comments on my social posts regularly, but that feels superficial. Maybe she doesn’t realize or care about the shift in our dynamic, but I feel like our friendship has completely faded.
Now I wonder, was our friendship even real?
— Internet Friend
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DEAR INTERNET FRIEND: In your evaluation of your friendship, what did you like about being close to this person and what didn’t quite work? Could you have missed signs that you weren’t as close as you thought? What do you want from this friendship now?
It could be that your friendship has simply changed over time, or you may have always been more committed than her.
Either way, now is the time for you to decide if you want to rekindle the closeness you once treasured or acknowledge it for what it is and move on. Surely you don’t expect a “best friend” to be someone you connect with on social media only. Act accordingly.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
