DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally enjoy having lunch at a restaurant with a group of longtime friends. All is well until the time comes when they want to take a group photo, which, of course, gets posted on Facebook.
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I do not post on social media. I do not want my life, in words nor photos, posted. So I quietly say I’ll back out of camera range, as I don’t want a picture of me posted online.
I get looks like I’m from another planet. How do I respond to these looks? And just as bad, how do I respond to people who post my photo without permission?
GENTLE READER: Move to Dubai. Apparently there, you must ask for permission before taking a photo.
Good manners would dictate the same in our country, but since it is not punishable by law, no one adheres to it. Miss Manners is working on that.
In the meantime, ignore the looks and ask your friends to take down the photos. It is they who are being rude, not you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been frequenting a pub for a while now. My favorite bartender is very kind, and always gets me my favorite drink.
I don’t drink alcohol, which she knows, and I make sure to drink enough nonalcoholic beverages for her to earn a profit.
The problem is, she regularly provides me with free alcohol shots. Is there any way to stop her?
GENTLE READER: Kindly ask her not to?
Remind her that you do not drink, but that you are more than happy to join her with shots of juice or anything else she has lying around — except, Miss Manners warns, the contents of the bar mat.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a friend pointed out how often I talk over other people, I’ve been working to rein in this bad habit.
In my personal life, this has gone well. At work, it has been harder.
I’m frequently in meetings where a colleague is so long-winded, or so far off-topic, that if someone doesn’t interrupt and redirect them, we aren’t able to finish the business at hand.
Almost as often, the person running the meeting is in a rush and moves on from a topic too quickly before I’ve gotten the information I need. Here, if I don’t interrupt and ask them to back up, I have to schedule another meeting to follow up, which is annoying for everyone.
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Assuming in both cases the speaker doesn’t pause, ask questions or take a breath, how can I help guide these conversations without interrupting?
GENTLE READER: You could raise your hand. Although a bit school-ish and annoying, it will get the point across without actual interruption. Or you could preempt those speakers prone to reciting monologues by asking if there will be time for questions afterwards.
But Miss Manners does not entirely object to asking to schedule another meeting. While inconvenient, it has the advantage of likely only having to occur once to be effective.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
