DEAR ABBY: I was with the same person (my first “everything” guy) for 23 years.
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A few years after the shock of a divorce, I met someone 10 years my junior. He makes me feel I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, complimenting on what my ex considered my faults, showing I am still a sexy, desirable woman and making me feel like I matter in this world.
The problem is, despite him saying he could live without having kids (I’m almost 50), I fear it may be something he’ll regret or resent me for down the road if we stay together.
His friends keep trying to fix him up with younger women “because he’d be a good dad,” and it breaks my heart to think this might be what tears us apart when we haven’t yet put a label on what we are together.
I don’t want to hold him back from a life he may have pictured, yet it terrifies me that I’d have to see him with someone else.
He stays friends with his exes, so I can imagine him expecting me to still be part of his life even if not romantically. I’m not sure my heart could handle that.
Advice?
— WISTFUL IN WASHINGTON
DEAR WISTFUL: You are overdue for a conversation with this man in which you tell him you need to know how important having children is to him.
Explain that his friends trying to fix him up with younger women “because he’d make a great dad” is unnerving, and you do not want to stand in his way if he wants to be one.
While you are at it, tell him that standing aside and watching him build a life with someone else would be heartbreaking for you, and he shouldn’t expect that it will happen. It is the truth. He needs to hear it, and you need his answer.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a very generous lady. When she visits, twice a year, she pays for nearly everything as far as food and necessities for our family.
She’s a foodie, which means when she’s here, we eat at any restaurant she hasn’t tried. She’ll order nearly every appetizer on the menu and encourage each of us to order something different so we can all sample a variety of entrees. The dessert menu is no exception.
I have dietary issues and have only recently figured out which foods don’t make me uncomfortable. I can no longer tolerate dairy, fatty foods, etc. The menu items at most restaurants contain those things.
When I politely refuse certain appetizers or sides with my entrees, she becomes upset. I understand, as she does pay for everything.
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How can I get around not compromising my health with her generosity?
— PERPLEXED IN COLORADO
DEAR PERPLEXED: The conversation you must have with your mother-in-law should take place privately, and not while you are at a restaurant ordering food. You may need to have it more than once, and in advance of her visit.
If necessary, explain, in detail, how severe your digestive issues are. Then, when you and the family dine out, tell the server who is taking your order exactly what you need.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
