Harriette Cole: My friend’s boyfriend made mean jokes about me in public

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s boyfriend and I got into a heated argument at a dinner party.

Harriette Cole: My mom snickered at my college choice and dismissed my hurt feelings

Harriette Cole: My friend’s weight loss worries me. Can I ask what’s going on?

Harriette Cole: I met this guy on an app, and all of a sudden I’m running into him at work

Harriette Cole: Is it a red flag that he follows his ex and likes her posts?

Harriette Cole: My neighbor is leaving me unsettling notes

He made a joke about me being a drama queen and gossiping too much. At first, it was funny, but then it felt like he was bringing up situations that I had spoken about with his girlfriend in confidence. Despite his dwelling on this untimely joke, my friend remained quiet, not even nudging her boyfriend to quit.

I was ticked, so I asked him why he felt comfortable bringing all this up in front of a large group of people. At that point, it was clear that the conversation was no longer playful and some lines had been crossed.

My friend finally decided to cut in, but instead of defusing, she was defending her boyfriend and saying I had no right to pick a fight with him.

I feel a bit deceived by my friend. I know that partners will often engage in pillow talk, but I never expected it to be thrown in my face this way. Should I talk to my friend about how things escalated?

— Drama Queen

DEAR DRAMA QUEEN: Yes, you should speak to your friend. Tell her how hurt you were to hear her boyfriend spew confidences that you had shared with her. Explain that you were surprised when she didn’t nudge him to stop but instead reprimanded you when you tried to get him to change the subject.

Moving forward, don’t tell her anything you don’t want him to know. More important, understand that she is not going to have your back. It seems that relationship has changed now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my students is struggling socially. He is a bright young boy with a big personality, but when he’s around other students, he retreats.

According to some of the other teachers, he may have experienced bullying last school year and has been a lot less interactive since then.

I tried meeting with his parents about it, explaining that he seems anxious and often spends time alone during lunch or after school. His father’s position is that as long as his son is doing well academically, he doesn’t see an issue.

How can I get this student to let his guard down with other kids? I want him to know that school is a safe space, contrary to what he may have experienced last year.

— Social Struggles

Miss Manners: Their gift to me was grabbed out of a casket

Dear Abby: My husband says I’m a sourpuss because I don’t like his anniversary plan

Asking Eric: If I suggest a hotel, they’ll be offended, but I can’t deal with them in my home

Harriette Cole: My mom snickered at my college choice and dismissed my hurt feelings

Miss Manners: Why wouldn’t my neighbor just say something about the ivy?

DEAR SOCIAL STRUGGLES: You cannot guarantee that school will be a safe space for this child, so don’t promise that. You can encourage him to identify new friends who might share his interests.

Suggest that he join a club or other group whose focus appeals to him. He may make friends in one of those groups. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs to talk.

If he ever mentions his relationships with other students, listen carefully but don’t try to fix things. Just hear him out. Being present for this student consistently is something he will notice and likely appreciate.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.