DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an unusual, “made-up” first name. Nowadays it’s common for kids to have a uniquely spelled name, but I’m in my 60s, so it wasn’t common growing up.
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The way I’ve managed it is: I correct the pronunciation only if I expect to see that person again.
This way, I’m not constantly feeling rude by correcting everyone. And the next time I see that particular person, they may not remember exactly how to say my name, but they do know there’s something odd there — so they ask.
GENTLE READER: This is a good guideline for handling a problem that is increasingly common because, as you point out, it has become common now to give babies uncommon names.
There are some good reasons to do this: family names, cultural references, and the unfortunately futile attempt to avoid what turns out to be the fad name of the year. Some years ago, at Miss Manners’ own college, a student working in the housing bureau amused herself by filling a small dormitory with incoming freshmen named Sara or Sarah.
But Miss Manners has also noticed the prevalence of names which are, uh, much too original: Weird spellings of otherwise conventional names. Brand names. Aristocratic titles as names. Names of objects.
In these cases, originality seems to be the point, rather than an association with the name or an aesthetic.
Prospective parents may have fun devising these names, but they should consider that they are burdening their children with a lifetime of having to explain and correct the usage of their names. It is hurtful to be constantly misaddressed, and not everyone handles it as gracefully as you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family is planning a big holiday party, to take place at my club. My son, my daughter and I are each going to invite our friends.
I belong to a women’s club, and I have a lot of friends there, but I do not know many of their husbands. I intend to invite all of the husbands whom I know, just not the ones I have never met.
The per-person cost for this party will be high, and if I invite all spouses, I could end up spending a lot of money on these strangers (to me).
On the other hand, I know that it is traditional to invite both members of a couple, and many would think it odd or even rude if I excluded their husbands. But I resent having to extend a party invitation to people I do not know.
If I follow through on this plan, will people get mad at me? Will I hurt people’s feelings? Is it so far from decent social norms that I will suffer backlash?
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GENTLE READER: Yes, yes and yes.
Miss Manners is amazed that you have any doubt of this. If you were asked to leave your husband to spend a holiday with friends who have no interest in meeting him, even though other husbands are welcome, would you be delighted?
Well, maybe. But it would be sad if you had a whole club full of wives who felt that way.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
