DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are celebrating our second anniversary. For the most part, we’re very happy. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.
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The problem is his family. They’re wonderful people who have welcomed me with open arms. But they are also extremely clingy and lack common boundaries.
We recently moved to a larger home that’s closer to them but farther from my family. Now that we live closer, they constantly pop in unannounced for visits at inconvenient times, such as while I’m getting dinner plated up.
His mother has been told numerous times that we are private people and don’t like a lot of company, but she still keeps doing the same thing. She’s also trying to throw parties at our house and talking about putting in a pool, even though we have told her no repeatedly.
And, Abby, when one family member shows up, you can almost guarantee that two or three more will show up soon after. When we moved in, my family came to see the house. They had been here no more than five minutes when his entire family — aunts, cousins, everyone — showed up and took over! Consequently, my family didn’t really get to visit or even see the house because things got too chaotic.
Please help.
— LOSING IT IN ALABAMA
DEAR LOSING IT: When you married into your husband’s family, they welcomed you as one of their own. If I read your letter correctly, they view you as a family member, and your family as blended into their own.
Because you need more privacy and boundaries than you have been able to establish, you may need your husband to help you get the message across in a way they can accept without becoming offended.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend for 25 years. We have never married for various reasons. She is in her 60s, and I am 13 years younger.
Our sex life isn’t so good anymore. As a matter of fact, it is gone.
What can I do as a younger man to make her feel special again? How can I light her fire? We still sleep in the same room, but that’s about it.
I am not ugly, overweight or unappealing. Is there any hope for at least a slight increase in sex? All of my parts are working, so that’s not the problem. I don’t want to cheat, and there are too many diseases I could catch out there. Please advise.
— READY AND WILLING IN ARIZONA
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DEAR READY: It’s time for you and your lady friend to have a calm, honest conversation about your lack of a sex life.
When you do, ask her if sex causes her pain, because that may be the reason for her lack of interest. If that’s the case, her gynecologist can suggest remedies for fixing the problem.
If her reason is that she’s simply no longer interested, she should discuss it with her doctor and ask for a referral to an endocrinologist who may be able to help her rebalance her hormones.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
