Harriette Cole: How do I confront my husband about what I found in the laundry?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband recently came home from a business trip, and as I was doing the laundry, I found a condom in his pants pocket.

Harriette Cole: I’d go out with him if it weren’t for this woman’s immature meddling

Harriette Cole: Advice to mother who’s done having babies draws forceful response

Harriette Cole: Should I invite Dad if he’s not happy about my wedding?

Harriette Cole: I’m thinking of quitting over this new rule at work

Harriette Cole: I can smell my neighbors from outside their apartment

I am so upset, but I’m afraid to approach him about this.

My husband travels a lot for work. I never thought that he might be having sex with someone while he’s on the road. Now it seems like it’s a certainty.

What can I say to him to address this? I know I can fuss and complain, but in the end, he can do whatever he wants to do when I’m not around. I am so hurt.

— Broken Vows

DEAR BROKEN VOWS: Be direct: Tell your husband that you found the condom and ask him who he is having sex with.

Don’t sugarcoat it. Tell him how hurt you are and that you know you cannot control his actions, but you are saddened to learn that he would break his vows. Ask him what he is doing and why. Probe to see if he is actually in a relationship with someone else or engaging in short-term flings.

Your directness may be so surprising that it will get him to answer honestly.

In the end, you have to decide what you can tolerate. If you are willing to accept his explanation and forgive him, so be it. If you are not and he is unwilling to stop, you may have to part ways.

You aren’t close to that place right now, though. Now is the time to talk it all out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in hospice, and my family and I are trying to make sure that her final days are as comfortable as possible.

The problem is that the hospice doctors and nurses are continually pushing pain meds on her, even when she doesn’t say she is in pain.

We are frustrated because they act like they know better, but they don’t know her. When they give her the meds, she is totally out of it — even if whatever was bothering her was momentary.

How can we get these people to treat my mother with more dignity? What they told us they were going to do for her is very different from how they are behaving now.

— Pushing Her Out

DEAR PUSHING HER OUT: Request a meeting with the team that is caring for your mother and state your concerns.

Make it clear that you understand that this is a tender time for your mother and that you want only the best for her. Acknowledge that pain medication may be necessary at times, but request that there be more communication with the family before decisions are made that essentially render her uncommunicative.

Dear Abby: Is it wrong of me to be stashing away money so I can leave?

Asking Eric: I think their wedding plan is disrespectful to my mother

Dear Abby: Do I have to change my eating habits when I’m in public?

Asking Eric: The mother was flustered by a seemingly simple question

Harriette Cole: I’d go out with him if it weren’t for this woman’s immature meddling

Remain vigilant and polite, as you want them to give your mother great care even if it is necessary to tweak it. Stand firm when you believe they are being too aggressive.

Just like in other phases of her health care journey, continue to be a fierce advocate for her, even if they push back.

You may want to read the book “The Good Death: A Guide to Supporting Your Loved One Through the End of Life” by Suzanne B. O’Brien.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.