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We are both seniors and have been friends for a long time. I am financially secure; I’m also disabled and older than he is.

He asked if he could live with me and in return help with things I have difficulty with. I have a live-in caregiver who lives separate from the main house on my property. I will eventually need two people to help me, just not now.

For years I have enjoyed living alone and was hesitant about taking my friend in because of how he is. I finally relented.

He is chaotic. He disrupts my morning. There is plenty of area for us to not be on top of one another, but he needs entertainment, and I seem to be the provider for it.

My mornings are spent reading the paper, followed by the most recent book I’m on. He doesn’t read books or papers. I’m interrupted a number of times with questions or his view on politics.

I’ve asked, told and even yelled at him to find something to do while I enjoy the morning the way I like. He stops but within a few days the same problem occurs.

Is there a solution?

– Hectic Housemate

Dear Housemate: As with any living arrangement, if it’s not working out, then it’s time for one of you (him) to find a different place to live.

You’ve asked him to respect your space and time and he either can’t or won’t. So, this isn’t a workable long-term solution. Moreover, though you said you will need his help at some point, you don’t at present, so he’s essentially living rent-free. This would be fine if he was a compatible housemate, but he’s not.

Have a “state of the friendship” conversation in which you can calmly but clearly lay out the issues as you see them and either present him with an option (i.e., entertain yourself, please, or use the money you’ve saved to move out) or present him with a decision you’ve made.

You’ve been friends for a long time so I hope that he can respond in a way that shows respect for you and your space. But, if he doesn’t, some distance might be healthy for the preservation of your friendship.

Dear Eric: I am a 62-year-old woman who recently relocated to her hometown in the Midwest from the East Coast, after 40 years.

I have a wonderful network of friends here, whom I’ve known practically my entire life. I’m happier than I could have imagined with my decision to move here.

Something that has become apparent is, while I have a deep affection and love for these friends, I don’t have that much in common with them. This was not as apparent over the five decades that I would visit because the visits were short.

I’m often disappointed in some of the attitudes that my friends have, and I can be quite judgmental about their views. There seems to be an underlying consensus that people who have children (or chose a traditional path) are somehow more worthy because their burdens are greater than those who took an unconventional path and had no children.

All of these friends are married and have children. I, on the other hand, am very content in my decision to divorce after a brief but happy marriage and not procreate.

I am often quite judgmental of their views and sometimes find their stereotyping offensive, at best. I’d like to be less judgmental in their presence. Do you have any suggestions how I might achieve this?

– Feeling Judgmental

Dear Feeling: Even though you’ve known your friends for so long, it’ll be helpful to think of these relationships as somewhat new.

As you noted, a lot can be gracefully ignored over a short visit. But now that you’re local, you (and they) have the opportunity to figure out just how much interaction actually works for you.

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Part of your judgment is coming from interacting too much. Some lifelong friends are also “every now and then” friends.

This involves acceptance. You know where they stand on certain things and, as long as those issues aren’t dangerous or morally unacceptable to you, you have the option of saying “I don’t love this part of my friend’s personality, but I do like my friend. Since I can’t change them, I’m going to acknowledge my own need to put space between us in order to keep things pleasant.”

The pressure you feel to express your judgment needs an escape valve. Go in knowing what feels conversationally off-limits to you, and work on cultivating other friendships that align with your values as a counterbalance.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.