Miss Manners: Our school’s teacher appreciation week is so tacky

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child’s school is having a staff appreciation week, which isn’t a bad idea, given the effort they put in and how they enhance our kids’ lives.

Miss Manners: Is it weird when I talk behind my hand? My husband says it is.

Miss Manners: The maid of honor’s wedding-day surprise was not a pleasant one

Miss Manners: My wife’s habit makes me cringe. After all these years, should I say something?

Miss Manners: Is my husband right that my phone alarm is rude?

Miss Manners: The graduation invitation now sounds almost like a threat

What strikes me as extremely gauche, however, is that it’s organized and run by the school, while asking parents to contribute.

This seems like the kind of thing that parents should organize if they want to, rather than being pressured into it by the school. If the administration wants to do it themselves, then they should fund it.

Instead, here is what we are told to do:

First day: Send kind words/thanks.

Second day: Send sugary treats.

Third day: Buy something from their wish lists.

Fourth day: Staff get a special Mexican luncheon while parents cover classroom duties. (Keep in mind, students have been trying for months to get the quality of food in the cafeteria improved, while the staff claims there is no need.)

Fifth day: Send a teacher’s favorite snacks and drinks to stock their fridge.

It comes across like, “Hey, aren’t we great? Buy us stuff and tell us how great we are!” And they send reminders every day. Tacky.

Do teachers and school staff deserve nice things? Yep. But this is not the way to go about it, in my opinion.

GENTLE READER: Then why haven’t you organized the parents to show your appreciation for the staff in a proper fashion?

You needn’t do it with sugary treats — or, for that matter, useless apple-themed objects. Letters of thanks, by all means. Bonuses, if possible. And assistance in procuring whatever school supplies the staff needs.

But you should also learn from your distaste about the reminders: Alert other parents, but do not pressure them. Miss Manners cautions you that you do not know their financial situations, even if you think you do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a relative over the winter. While in my home, she complained about my furniture being uncomfortable, and wanted me to purchase at least a few pieces in which she could sit comfortably.

There were many ways in which I accommodated her. For instance, she complained the mattress was uncomfortable, so I purchased a foam pad to add to the mattress. She complained the bedroom was too hot, so I purchased a table fan for her. She particularly complained about the dining room chairs during meals, but I did not think a larger chair would have worked at the table. (I have a very small eating area.)

Was I wrong for refusing to purchase additional furniture for her?

Harriette Cole: Need-to-know lessons from a beautiful mother

Dear Abby: I left my husband after his tantrum. Should I trust that he has changed?

Asking Eric: My brother wants to reconnect. I just want the $5,000.

Dear Abby: I thought I was a good mother, so why does my son act this way?

Asking Eric: The kid who smiled while he tortured his brother is not normal

GENTLE READER: Instead of buying her a house she might like better?

Miss Manners need not be reminded that one should make one’s guests comfortable. But there are limits. And there is an equal obligation for houseguests to do their best to put up with what they find.

You would have been justified in apologizing that you were unable to adjust your entire house to make her comfortable, and to offer to identify a hotel that could do so for the rest of her stay.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.