Miss Manners: These college students seem stunned when someone wants to get off the bus

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Ph.D. student in a college town where the public bus also serves as the campus bus, and students get free fare. As a result, it is often very crowded, mostly with undergrads.

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At my advanced age of 30, I have learned (or at least thought I’d learned) that on a very crowded bus, it is accepted practice to get off the bus briefly to let other people off if you are blocking the door.

It seems, however, that no one does this. Undergrads stand there blocking the door while five to 10 people try to get off. They are dumbstruck, as if there is no solution to the predicament they find themselves in. This is exacerbated by the fact that everyone is wearing headphones (including me, to be fair).

I’ve been putting up with this for years. Recently, in a fit of agitation, I yelled “Move!” at people blocking the door, in a tone similar to a cow. This didn’t feel great.

Am I correct that getting off the bus briefly is the best practice here? If so, do you have any ideas on how I can politely impart this knowledge to these new-to-the-bus riders?

To be fair to these poor kids, one time I found myself blocking the door, so I stepped off — and the bus tried to leave without me. I was forced to yell for the driver to wait (which he did). I think they’re just afraid of this happening, and are too scared or inexperienced to communicate with the driver.

GENTLE READER: It would indeed be easier if people stepped off the bus, but Miss Manners fears that no one is going to deputize you as the bus police, so you will have to concentrate on getting out yourself.

Most people are embarrassed to raise their voices in public and therefore equate it with being rude. But one can speak loudly — shout, even — in a noisy environment without therefore having to resort to mooing or worse. “Coming out, please!” works.

You can also try to ease your way by warning the person in front of you that yours is the next stop — although you will then be stuck when they tell you that they are also getting off there.

If you do step off to allow others to exit, hold the bus door open for those disembarking.

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Is it polite to inquire ahead what she would like to drink? I don’t want to imply that I think she has to have alcohol, although in the “old days,” the question “Beer, wine or whiskey?” seemed perfectly normal. What’s the best way to put it?

GENTLE READER: Pick something more neutral from your shared past and ask if she still enjoys that. Miss Manners expects her to be charmed that you remember — even if you get it wrong.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.