DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a party with an old friend I haven’t seen in a while.
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We had been really close at one point, but our interests changed, and we started spending less time together.
When we arrived at the party, she was being sort of strange. I asked if she wanted to go greet a few mutual friends I had spotted, and she said no. I asked if something was wrong, and she said she was fine. I tried making conversation, but she was not very engaging.
Later on, she suggested we go hang with the friends I had spotted earlier. That was my saving grace. For the rest of the party, she obsessed about an ex of hers who made an appearance.
I was confused and quiet by the end of that night and shared with her that I thought we were going out to have a good time and to catch up. She got upset and left.
I don’t think I said anything wrong, so I have not reached out since. Perhaps our friendship has expired. Am I missing something?
— Party Pooper
DEAR PARTY POOPER: Your friend seems to have a lot going on. She was uncomfortable at the party, which is not your fault.
If you are concerned, you could call to make sure she is OK. You don’t need to try to rekindle your friendship, though.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of months ago, I moved from Spain to the United States with my husband and our daughter.
We settled in Los Angeles after we had done what we thought was careful planning. We saved up what felt like a substantial amount of money and assumed it would give us a good cushion while we adjusted and got settled.
Reality has hit us much harder than we expected. The cost of living here is far more expensive than we imagined. Rent, groceries, child care, even just basic daily expenses — it’s all adding up so quickly.
Our savings are running low much faster than we anticipated, and our salaries aren’t nearly enough to keep up with the lifestyle we’re trying to maintain, even though it’s a modest one.
We’re doing our best to stay positive and make it work, but I’m already finding myself questioning whether this move was the right decision.
I miss the stability and affordability of life back in Spain, and I’m starting to wonder if moving back is the more responsible choice.
How do you know when to keep pushing forward and when to admit that something just isn’t working?
— Over Our Heads
DEAR OVER OUR HEADS: Assess the situation as calmly as you can.
What made you come to the United States in the first place? Family? Sentiment? Whatever it was, is that draw more important than your reality today?
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Can you restore your life in Spain if you go back? Can you resume your jobs or get comparable ones? Can you reestablish your lives there? Do you want to do that, all things considered?
Weigh your choices and decide what makes sense for now.
If you decide to move back to Spain, you may have enough extra money to visit the United States again later if you want to do that. You can also save more robustly to plan for a move sometime in the future.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
