DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I went on a first date with a guy I met through mutual friends, and honestly, it was a disaster.
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He showed up late, spent most of the time talking about himself and made a few offhand comments that rubbed me the wrong way. I left the date feeling disappointed and convinced there was no real connection.
Now he’s been texting me nonstop, apologizing and saying he was nervous and not acting like his true self. He keeps asking for a second chance, saying he really likes me and wants to make a better impression.
A part of me appreciates the accountability and effort, but I also don’t want to ignore the red flags I felt in my gut. I’m torn between giving him the benefit of the doubt and trusting my first impression.
How do I know if I’m being too quick to judge, or if I’d just be wasting more of my time?
— Bad Date
DEAR BAD DATE: Trust your instincts. You can forgive him and not go out with him again.
Tell him you accept his apology, but you are not interested in a second date. The end.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I haven’t been able to get a good night’s rest in over a year. My 8-year-old daughter still insists on sleeping in our bed with us almost every night, and I’m at a loss for what to do.
It started a few years ago when she had some nightmares, and I let her sleep with us to help her feel safe. Now it’s become a habit that neither of us can seem to break.
She gets upset when we try to get her to sleep in her own room, and I feel guilty pushing her away. Sometimes it just feels easier to give in, especially after a long day.
I know she needs to learn independence and feel confident sleeping on her own. My husband and I also want our own space back since it’s starting to affect our sleep and overall stress levels.
How can we transition her back to her own bed without causing more anxiety or making her feel like we’re rejecting her?
— Independent Sleep
DEAR INDEPENDENT SLEEP: According to the Child Mind Institute, you have to set firm boundaries around sleep for your child, or else you may never get her to sleep in her own room.
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First, talk to her about whatever anxiety she may have about sleeping alone. Ask her to name what is going on. Since it has become a pattern for her to cuddle up with you and your husband, it may now be about seeking that comfort rather than alleviating fear.
You have to establish that she now must sleep in her own room. You can start by stating the rule, establishing a specific bedtime and then being in the room with her until she falls asleep. Ideally, sit in a chair next to her, not on her bed. Consider something called “fading,” where you start seated near her and over time inch your way to a space outside the room with your chair.
Wean her off of her reliance on you. If and when she comes to your room, lead her back to her room immediately. It will take time, but it can work, and it is necessary.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
