DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event with a male friend, “Tom,” and met up with a female friend, “Meg,” and we all hung out together.
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The next day, I learned that Tom had been calling Meg and basically trying to seduce her. His approach was a bit kinky, though, and she was turned off by it. He asked her to send him pictures of different body parts — not genitalia — and she found it all creepy.
Now he won’t stop soliciting her for photos. Meg has forwarded me his messages so I can see them; they are different, but not overly suggestive or inappropriate.
She has asked me to speak to him and ask him to back off. I don’t want to get involved. Nothing seems dangerous about his communication. Meg just needs to tell him she’s not interested.
Do you think I need to do more?
— Peripheral
DEAR PERIPHERAL: Encourage Meg to handle her business. This is not high school. Everyone is an adult.
She needs to act like one and tell Tom that she appreciates his interest in her, but she does not reciprocate his feelings. She needs to ask him to stop calling and texting her. If he doesn’t get the hint, she can block his number.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just graduated from college in May, and my husband and I couldn’t be prouder of her.
She has a job lined up in New York City and will be moving there in mid-August. The lease at her college apartment ends in July, and we were really hoping she would come home before starting this next chapter. We thought it would be a nice way for her to relax, regroup and spend some quality time with family before she’s off building her new life.
When we suggested it, she told us she doesn’t want to come home. She said she wants to stay with some university friends until her lease is up.
Honestly, this response really hurt. We’ve supported her every step of the way, and we were looking forward to having her back under our roof, even if just for a short time. I can’t help but feel like she’s trying to distance herself from us now that she’s an adult.
Is it wrong to want this time with her? How do I deal with the sadness and disappointment I’m feeling without making her feel guilty?
— Missing Our Daughter
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DEAR MISSING OUR DAUGHTER: Accepting that your daughter is independent and walking into the next stage of her life has got to be difficult. It is understandable that you long to spend a bit of time with her before she moves further away. It also makes sense that she wants to be with friends she has made in college whom she may never see again.
Tell your daughter that you were hoping she would come home for a short time before heading to New York City for her new job. Ask her if she would consider carving out a brief period of time — even just a long weekend — to come home to be with you while also being able to hang a bit with her friends. Don’t guilt her. Just ask her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
