DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I recently planned a weekend trip out of town, and we arranged for our children to stay with their aunt, my husband’s sister, while we were away.
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We thought everything was going well until, halfway through our trip, we received a call from her saying that one of our kids had started acting out.
She told us that she doesn’t tolerate that kind of behavior in her home and insisted that we come pick him up immediately.
I was shocked and honestly upset. I understand that our son can be a handful at times — he’s going through a bit of a rebellious phase — but I feel like she overreacted. We trusted her to help us out, and instead of trying to manage the situation or even calling us for advice on how to calm him down, she made us cut our trip short and made us feel like we were being irresponsible parents for going away in the first place.
Now there’s tension between us, and I don’t know how to approach this. Am I wrong for feeling like she could have handled things differently?
— Not Helpful
DEAR NOT HELPFUL: Did you inform your sister-in-law of your son’s recent behavioral shifts? It sounds like you knew that he could be difficult, but you may not have communicated that clearly to her.
Sure, she could have tried harder to care for your children and give you and your husband a much-needed respite. It also sounds like you could have communicated more specifically about your children’s needs and idiosyncrasies. Both of you could have done better.
To mend the situation, speak to her and admit that you could have been more communicative about your son’s potential challenges so that she would have been better prepared. Tell her you wish she hadn’t given up so quickly as you really needed some time away. Acknowledge that you both could have handled the situation differently. Ask for forgiveness and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend loves using online dating to find guys. I see that this is common right now, but what I don’t like is how she is teaching my 22-year-old daughter how to use it.
I guess I should accept that my daughter is legally an adult, but she is pretty naive. I don’t want her out there meeting random guys through some app. That’s not how I learned to date.
How can I get my friend to back off and allow my daughter to date the old-fashioned way?
— No Online Dating
DEAR NO ONLINE DATING: Welcome to the new world. Whether your daughter learns about online dating from your friend or someone else, this is the way that most people are meeting each other these days.
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If she approaches it with care and thoughtfulness, she may be able to meet someone who shares her interests.
Trying to prevent her from accessing online dating sites is not likely to work. It may trigger deception or stop her from talking to you about her dating life at all.
Instead of blocking, encourage your daughter to think about what she wants in a partner and to be specific about that when she creates her profile and when she talks to potential suitors.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
