DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do so many people, mostly young, feel the need to stick out their tongue when a picture is being taken of them?
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This is not very photogenic, and in fact ruins the picture!
GENTLE READER: That is why.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a historical novel I was reading, a young woman was widowed, and she was bemoaning that she would have to wear only pearls — no diamonds. Was that really a thing at one time?
GENTLE READER: Yes. Mourning, which would last at least two years for a widow, proscribed any jewelry except pearls and black onyx, with the only gold permitted being the wedding ring. Everything was supposed to be matte, so even clothing made of shiny material was not supposed to be worn.
Ridiculous, you say?
Well, ridiculously exaggerated. Perhaps only in novels were ladies condemned to dowdiness in tribute to someone of whom they may have been only too delighted to be free.
Now, expressing mourning though appearance has pretty much been dropped. Many people do not even wear black to funerals, much less afterwards — unless it is to weddings.
But visible mourning did serve a purpose. At the funeral, it indicated respect for the deceased. And in later stages, it warned others that the wearer’s state was possibly fragile.
As quaint as it seems, Miss Manners would think a modified version would be useful nowadays as protection against sidewalk therapists, with their unsolicited demands that the bereaved quickly achieve “closure.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a mobility issue that causes me to wobble and stumble. Several years ago, I began to use a walker because it helps keep me from falling.
I used to love to wear dresses for special occasions like weddings, anniversary parties and such. But now that I use the walker, and often sit in it at special events, I am not comfortable wearing dresses. A short dress doesn’t cover enough of my legs when seated, and a long one gets caught in the walker’s wheels.
Would it be rude of me to wear a dressy pantsuit to special events and formal occasions?
GENTLE READER: Now that the dressy pantsuit is the uniform of female senators and other high-ranking officials, Miss Manners believes you are safe.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that we shouldn’t talk about religion, nor about politics.
Now it’s food that’s verboten.
Sports? Please, no!
Travel plans or trip reports? Yawn.
Health concerns? Yech.
Bragging/complaining about children/other relatives/neighbors/jobs? Snore.
Favorite movies/TV shows/news sources? Hobbies? New cars or other big-ticket purchases?
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Reminiscing about college/high school experiences?
Gossip? Especially about strangers?
Please provide a list of approved topics.
GENTLE READER: Sure. Just as soon as you provide Miss Manners with a list of topics on which you are prepared to have a civil and respectful give-and-take with people whose opinions may be different from your own.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
