DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is close to 85, has decided to dress like me.
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Every time she sees me, she tells me how “cute” I look, and asks where I got the top I’m wearing. The next time I see her, she’s wearing the same top. It’s gotten ridiculous.
I have a beach coverup that’s made to look like it’s crocheted or knitted. She went out and found herself one. Believe me, a woman who is 85 and seriously overweight should not be wearing this.
What can I do about it?
— ‘TWIN’ IN THE SOUTH
DEAR ‘TWIN’: Have you told your mother this bothers you? If you haven’t, you should.
You should also offer to go shopping with her and help her find some “cute” things that will flatter her.
Years ago, a dress designer told me an expression: “She’s mutton dressed as lamb.” Your mother is deluded if she thinks wearing items identical to yours will make her look as youthful as you. However, if you tell her that, take it from me — she’ll be seriously offended.
Lighten up. Let her continue on her own path, because you can’t stop her and she’s hurting no one.
DEAR ABBY: I was dating a man for the past two years. Most of the time, we enjoyed being together. However, sometimes our discussions would turn into heated and hurtful arguments.
He would disregard my point of view, ultimately shut me down and make me feel like the disagreement was my fault.
After our most recent argument, I finally decided to end our relationship.
I will admit that some of these arguments were alcohol-fueled, which would bring on an accusatory tone despite my attempts to clarify any statement or question I made.
When I think about how I allowed myself to be picked apart and beaten down by this individual, it brings on ambiguous feelings knowing the woman I am and could be. I also wonder how I allowed his behavior to become acceptable.
For the sake of my sanity, I decided to break away. But I fear I may once again do what I always have done to get back into his “good graces” — apologize profusely only for us to repeat the cycle.
I’m depressed and exhausted. I want to stay strong and not allow fleeting memories of past good times to cloud my decisions about this or any future relationships. How?
— FINALLY BREAKING FREE IN FLORIDA
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DEAR FINALLY BREAKING: If alcohol changes the tone of your voice when you try to express yourself, start by doing something about your drinking. Effective ways to combat loneliness are staying busy with work and with friends, volunteering or taking up a new hobby.
Equally important, before involving yourself in a new romantic relationship, make sure the person you’re seeing treats you with more respect than the last one did.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
