DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently joined a gym because I want to get healthier and finally commit to taking care of myself.
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Instead of feeling encouraged, I often feel judged and out of place around people who are clearly more experienced than me. Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing, while I’m still learning the basics and trying to build up my confidence.
One situation really stuck with me: I was on the treadmill, going at a slow jog that already felt challenging for me. A group of women nearby were running at a much faster pace, chatting and laughing effortlessly.
At one point, one of them glanced over at my screen, whispered something to her friend and they both laughed. It may not have been about me, but in that moment, I felt self-conscious and embarrassed. I kept thinking they were making fun of how slow I was.
Instead of finishing my workout, I got off early and went home feeling defeated.
I know I shouldn’t let one interaction get in the way of my progress, but it’s hard not to feel like I don’t belong in that environment. How can I push past this insecurity and stay focused on my own goals without worrying so much about what others might be thinking?
— Beginner
DEAR BEGINNER: Consider hiring a trainer for a while, someone who can show you how to use the machines, how to create the workout that is best for your body and how to pace yourself.
Ignore the other people and compete against yourself only. Be your own cheerleader, and protect yourself with professional help.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t think my sister and brother-in-law are doing a good job of raising their two daughters, who are 10 and 12.
Whenever I visit, I notice the girls are often left to their own devices with little guidance or discipline. They talk back to adults, spend hours glued to their phones or tablets, and don’t seem to have boundaries around things like bedtime or chores.
It worries me because they’re at such an important age, where structure and guidance really matter, and I’m afraid they’re not getting what they need.
I love my nieces dearly. I don’t want to come across as judgmental, but it’s hard to bite my tongue when I see behaviors that seem unhealthy or concerning. At the same time, I know parenting is a sensitive subject, and I don’t want to cause a rift in my relationship with my sister by criticizing how she raises her children. Still, I worry that if no one says anything, the girls might struggle even more as they get older.
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How do I balance my concern for my nieces with respect for my sister’s role as their parent? Should I bring up what I see or just stay quiet and let her parent the way she chooses, even if I don’t agree with it?
— Poor Parenting
DEAR POOR PARENTING: Chances are slim that your sister will hear anything you say to her about her children.
Do you spend time with them at your house? Perhaps when they are with you, you can create boundaries and guidelines that they must follow. At least that way they will be able to see what living within a structure feels like.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
