Harriette Cole: Is it a red flag that he follows his ex and likes her posts?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently noticed that my partner still follows his ex on social media, and not only that, but he still likes most of her posts.

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Harriette Cole: My neighbor’s bossiness about parking has gotten out of hand

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They’ve been broken up for two years, and from what I know, she was the one who ended things.

It’s not like he’s leaving flirty comments or anything inappropriate, but I can’t help but feel uneasy every time I see his name under her photos.

Part of me feels silly for even caring — after all, everyone stays connected online these days — but another part of me wonders why he’s still keeping up with her so closely. I haven’t said anything yet because I don’t want to come off as jealous or controlling, especially since everything else in our relationship feels solid, but it’s definitely bothering me more than I’d like to admit. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or ignoring a red flag.

I keep telling myself it’s “just social media,” but I also know how small habits can sometimes reveal bigger feelings. It’s starting to make me question whether he’s truly over that relationship or just hasn’t fully let go.

Should I bring this up and risk sounding insecure, or just let it go and try to move on from it quietly?

— Tethered to Ex

DEAR TETHERED TO EX: How do you know this? Do you follow his ex on social? If you are aware of this because you have been snooping, trust that he will react to that energy.

The larger question is: What is worrying you? If you sincerely wonder if he is over his ex, ask him. When he asks why, tell him you have seen how attentive he is to her social media.

Be prepared for a bit of alarm from him as to your motives, but push for honest dialogue about their status.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been complaining about my husband incessantly, and for good reason — there is a long list of ways that he has messed up our life — but I’m starting to notice that I have my own stuff that needs to be addressed. He is not the only bad guy, in a way.

How can I face up to my issues without creating vulnerability for me when I’m talking to him? Honestly, I don’t know if we can make it, and I don’t want to give him ammunition to make life more difficult for me if we do break up.

— On the Precipice

DEAR ON THE PRECIPICE: If you feel you are headed to divorce, talk to him about that directly. Put your cards on the table and begin to discuss a way to end your marriage and move on.

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If you think there’s a chance you might stay together, tell him about your realization of your own shortcomings. Chances are, he is aware of them even if you two have never discussed them. By being forthcoming about what you now see you need to work on, you may be creating space for the two of you to work together on your marriage instead of pointing fingers.

Vulnerability is an essential part of growth. Being fully honest about yourself and each other may be the medicine you both need to address your issues and work toward finding a way forward.

You married this man. Is your relationship worth making every effort to fight for your bond before you give up?

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.