DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just figured out that my husband is having an affair.
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She stumbled upon a few text messages on his phone when she answered a call for him. It was innocent enough; she wasn’t snooping, but she did find this incriminating information.
Instead of speaking to him, she told me. I did not know that he was involved with someone, though we have been going through some challenges for the past year or so.
I need to address this with my husband, but I want to protect my daughter, too. I fear that he will retaliate against her rather than facing up to what he has done. How should I address this?
— An Affair Exposed
DEAR AN AFFAIR EXPOSED: Choose a time to speak with your husband when your daughter is not in the house. Tell him you know about his affair, and ask him to tell you what he wants.
Point out that you know things have been strained between you, but until recently you had no idea he was stepping out on you. You two need to address your issues and figure out a way forward. Ask him to respect you enough to do that.
If he pushes back and wants to know how you found out, you can protect your daughter and not tell him about her.
If he needs to know how grave the situation is because she also knows, tell him the truth and be sure to give her the heads up, but this really is between you and him. She should not be involved.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is upset with me because I didn’t defend her during a heated argument in a group chat with some of our mutual friends.
I didn’t feel I should get involved. The conversation had escalated quickly, and I thought it was better to stay neutral. Now she’s distant and barely responds when I try to reach out.
I feel caught in an awkward position. I want to respect her feelings and rebuild our connection, but I don’t want to apologize for staying out of drama I didn’t feel was mine.
I’ve known her for years, and it’s upsetting to see our friendship strained over something that feels like a misunderstanding. I keep replaying the situation in my head, wondering if there was a way I could have handled it differently.
Every time I see her in person or in other chats, the tension is palpable, and I hate feeling like we’re drifting apart over something so small. I just don’t want this to become a permanent wedge between us.
How do I approach her in a way that shows I care about our friendship, acknowledges her feelings and repairs the trust without making things more awkward or confrontational?
— Broken Friendship
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DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP: Contact her and tell her you want to clear the air. Ask if she is willing to talk.
Tell her you can see she remains upset about the group chat you both participated in. You can say you are sorry that she is upset with you, but you maintain that that was not a fight you felt you should participate in. Tell her you miss her and hope you can repair your friendship.
Listen to whatever she has to say and respond accordingly. You can reiterate that you are sorry she is hurt.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
