DEAR HARRIETTE: I texted my friend a really personal message about something I was going through, something I don’t usually open up about, and it took a lot for me to be vulnerable and share how overwhelmed I’ve been feeling lately.
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When she finally responded, all she sent was a thumbs-up emoji.
I know people have different communication styles and not everyone knows how to respond to emotional conversations, but it honestly felt dismissive.
I kept rereading the message, wondering if I overshared or made her uncomfortable. We’ve been close friends for years, so I assumed she’d at least offer a few kind words or ask if I was OK.
Since then, our conversations have felt a little awkward, and now I’m second-guessing whether she values our friendship the same way I do. Part of me wants to tell her that her response hurt my feelings, but another part of me worries that I’m overreacting or being too sensitive.
Should I bring it up and risk making things uncomfortable, or should I take it as a sign that maybe she’s not someone I can lean on emotionally?
— Dissed
DEAR DISSED: This friend has shown you through her inaction that either she doesn’t know how to show up for you when you are feeling vulnerable, or she chooses not to do so. Learn from her reaction, and don’t go to her when you need emotional support.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I made plans to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to visit the rooftop before it closed (not just for the season, but for the next five years due to upcoming renovations).
I was really looking forward to it since it felt like a once-in-a-long-time experience we’d all share together.
Unfortunately, I took the wrong train and realized I’d be about 45 minutes late. I texted my friends right away to let them know and told them to go ahead, buy their tickets and head inside without me since I figured the line might be long.
I knew the museum was going to be busy, but I didn’t understand just how chaotic the entrance would be. It was packed, and I ended up waiting alone in line for almost 40 minutes just to get in.
When I made it inside, I found out they had already gone up to the rooftop without me. I thought they’d wait for me once they got to the front of the line, especially since this was such a rare opportunity and something we’d planned to do together.
When I finally met up with them, they acted casual, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed and left out.
I understand I was the one who was late, but it really stung to miss out on something so special that won’t happen again for years and knowing my friends didn’t wait made it worse.
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Am I wrong for feeling hurt, or should I take responsibility since I was the one who got delayed?
— Left Out
DEAR LEFT OUT: It’s understandable that you felt left out, but you cannot be mad at your friends for this. What choice did they have? Waiting around for 40 minutes amid the swarm of constantly moving people would not have worked.
Chalk this up to an unfortunate incident and let it go.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
