Miss Manners: Should we invite them both and brace for drama?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Carrie and Ashley are both good friends of ours. We enjoy their company and accept their social invitations when offered.

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A few years ago, they had a kerfuffle that put a strain on their relationship. My wife and I don’t want to play games or favorites, so we invite them both to events. So far, every event where they’ve been in the same room has resulted in some sort of unpleasantness — public enough to detract from the event itself — and usually ends with one of them storming off.

In private conversations, when we try to mitigate future occurrences, they both express regret for such incidents and resolve to do better, which we believe is genuine in that moment. But inevitably, something will happen again.

Other friends at these events are aware of the issue and kind of shrug their shoulders when it happens, but we all are a bit sad about it.

Now my wife’s birthday is coming, and she wants to invite our friends to a fancy restaurant — including Carrie and Ashley, knowing there will be tension, and perhaps worse. No one would deliberately want to put their friends in unpleasant situations, but excluding one or the other also seems hurtful.

Any recommendations for better handling this? Right now, we’re planning to continue to invite them both to things — hoping for the best, but expecting some drama.

GENTLE READER: How badly do you want your wife’s birthday to be drama-free? Enough to attempt to play peacemaker?

If so, you and/or your wife might invite the two to lunch together before the party and try to broker a treaty. But if that fails — and as all of your guests seem to be expecting a show anyway — at least the entertainment at your wife’s party will be free.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Both of my sons have recently become engaged. When sharing this good news, more than half the people ask me, “Do you like her?”

How should I respond to this, other than just saying, “Yes, of course”? I’ve thought about saying, “You know, I’ve just been dying for someone to ask me that. Let me share this with you …”

GENTLE READER: “What a question!” is a useful, all-purpose response that may be said with varying degrees of shock, outrage and amusement, depending on your relationship with the asker.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My pet dachshund is slightly overweight. The vet said he should lose 3 pounds.

When we are out walking, people will occasionally make hurtful remarks about him, like “He really likes his food, doesn’t he?” or “His belly is really dragging.”

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Dear Abby: My daughter opened the package of family photos, and now we’re not speaking

Asking Eric: My daughter’s ex lives in my basement, and I have a decision to make

Harriette Cole: I was hurt by her emoji response to my heartfelt message

Miss Manners: My so-called friends said I need to get over my grief

His belly is not dragging on the sidewalk. It makes me sad to see a sweet little dog being insulted like this. Most people say how cute he is or ask his name.

What can I say to the people who remark on his physique in such a hurtful way?

GENTLE READER: “I’m glad he can’t understand you.” And then add, in a horror-movie-child’s whisper, “As far as we know.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.